Of Chocolate, Drivers, Ambassador Taxis and Growing Pains

Isn't life really mostly about chocolate? But we'll get to the chocolate later. First the drivers.

Most of our problems these days can be traced back to our no good, very bad driver Pardeep. He's not a bad guy. He just won't ever look us in the eye or speak to us. You can ask Mom. We're not making this up. And with a few of the experiences we've had in the last few days, I'm not sure if he has a brain in his head at all.

Last night we asked him to take us to the Russian Culture Center and gave him pretty clear instructions on what roads to take. The Culture Center is somewhere between India Gate and Connaught Place. But for whatever reason he drove around in circles between the two places for about an hour. Literally circles. There's the roundabouts that get you all turned around, but when we passed India gate for the third time, we knew there was something we were missing or this guy was missing. We kept asking if he knew where he was going, but kept getting a mumble that we think might have meant he did. Anyway, after passing the Russian Culture Center the first time, we had a nice drive seeing this lovely part of Delhi in circular fashion for about 45 minutes before we found our way back. Thank you, driver.

Apparently our driver friend doesn't think he's such a good driver either, because he's been telling other drivers we are looking for a driver. Today at least three (I've lost track) drivers showed up at our doorstep uninvited because they had heard we need a new one. One driver we interviewed a few days ago spoke English okay, but when I asked him to show me where we were on a map he was at a total loss. Another guy who showed up today works for an Irish family down the street but he wants more money. We're totally baffled on this one. But we do know this . . . the current driver MUST GO!

Another fun driver moment of the day: Today while we were at swimming lessons Rich had the driver take him to the Vasant Vihar branch for a church meeting. Then he sent the driver back to get us. He was about 45 minutes later than I expected and I was quite annoyed waiting for him in the 107 degree heat, but at least he came.

We left Rich at the church to find his own ride home because today we had a Young Women's activity at our house at 4:00 and I had promised to pick up four people. So when we got home, I pulled out my newest Hindi sentence: "sari do bajeh chalna hai" which I meant to mean, we'll be leaving again at 2:30.

Unfortunately, he didn't get the message right. When I looked outside at 2:35 to see if the driver was ready he was gone! The guard informed me with a smile that he had gone to get "sahib." He had gone to Vasant Vihar 40 minutes away to pick up Rich who was already home! And the silly man doesn't carry a cell phone like everyone else in India (though we just learned from his boss that he has one, he just doesn't have a charger) so I couldn't call to tell him to come back. All we could think to do was call a taxi. So off I went in one of those black and yellow ambassador taxis. The thing had A/C, it just wasn't cold at all. The windows turned out to be a better option, but at least I could communicate with this driver and he was willing to get out and ask if he didn't know where a place was.

One hour and several cell phone calls later for directions to everyone's house we had driven all over and had crammed 11 people--Alveena and her friend, Sister Beesa and her two children, Sister John and her two children, Carolina, the driver, and me--into the taxi and were hot, hot, hot. I taught the kids to play "I Spy" and blew on their necks to keep them from complaining about the heat. When we got there Sarah Jordan and her brother arrived and then Sister Amy Paul, the district young women president. Woo-hoo! Three young women and a whole gaggle of others!

The activity went well. I succeeded in getting out of teaching the kids to cook American food by asking Sister Beesa to come teach. She is a very good cook (she does it by profession in the American Embassy) and I learned a lot by watching her. I kind of had to stop watching her though once I realized I needed to play police. . .

Here's the chocolate part. One of the girls who came lives in a one bedroom house with her brother and parents with the kitchen outside. She was visibly impressed with our refrigerator, but after she checked out everything inside the refrigerator side and giggled at its contents (I'm not sure why), she looked at the freezer door with confusion on her face. I opened it and showed her that it's the place where we keep things really cold, like ice cream. Big smile on the ice cream. Then she pointed to the chocolate Easter eggs Mom brought when she came. At this point I made my mistake. I should have offered one to her, but I didn't. All I could think of was how Mom had paid $1 for each of those eggs (another story in and of itself that Mom will have to tell you) and that I didn't have enough to share with everyone who had come. So I didn't offer.

About ten minutes later I noticed two of the girls near the fridge chewing something and opening the freezer to get more. Chocolate! I told them if they wanted some of them, I'd be happy to give them, but don't just take them. One girl's face visibly heated up and her eyes watered as she swallowed whatever it was whole. For the rest of the activity every time I turned my back they were heading back into the pantry, or up in the boys room and shutting the door, or in the toy room looking guilty.

Argh! I guess being a young women's leader in any country is often about being a police. But avoiding theft in my own home really makes me a little edgy. I thought about confronting the girls before they left about what I suspected might be in their pockets but decided not to. It was one of the girls' birthdays, after all, and frankly, they tell me stealing is defined differently here. It is wrong, definitely, but I think in India it's perceived more as borrowing, not stealing. Especially when taking from people like us who have thousands more square footage in our house and a bank account with thousands more rupees (actually, though, we don't have a bank account with rupees yet--that's yet another work in progress that has already spanned months!).

This is a photo of Sister Trija John, the 1st counselor in YW and the former branch president's wife with her son Saranj and Graham.

When we finally said goodbye to the whole lot of them (sent them home with the driver who finally came back after 4 hours when we got someone at the church to find him and tell him to go home!), Rich realized he had missed an appointment with someone at the church and we both wondered aloud why we can't ever get it all together much as we try. Russell and Isaac had some answers later on, unbeknownst to them.

Russell's Answer:
It's bedtime. I call out, "Russell, can you please come upstairs and get ready for bed?"

He replies something in very high whiny tones I cannot comprehend. I am feeding Graham, so I ask Isaac to go to Russell and see what's wrong.

Isaac comes back and says, "Russell says he can't come upstairs. He's run out of gas."

Isaac's Answer:
"Mom, my leg really hurts!"
"Does it hurt from when you fell off your bike earlier today?"
"No, it hurts all over."
"Does it hurt like growing pains?"
"Yeah, I think so. Ouch, it hurts."

Maybe this week we can fill up our gas tank on Sunday, get a new driver to get us around without crazy mix-ups and keep on growing.

Dust

So I'm teaching Sarita how to cook and read recipes. She's getting very good at it. Yesterday I gave her a recipe for Apple Crisp and asked her to make it. When I came home, there was a beautiful apple crisp in a clear glass pan waiting for us. But later when I looked at it again, I noticed a rather thick layer of white on the bottom.

"What's that white stuff on the bottom, Sarita?" I asked.

"Oh, Madam, the recipe said to dust the bottom of the pan with flour. So I did."

Of course. In Delhi dust accumulates at an alarming rate. So why wouldn't she think dusting the bottom of the pan with flour meant putting a thick layer of it down! Gotta love Delhi. Fortunately I'm stepping back and laughing more than raging these days.

Tree-Hugging at G+G Cutler's

We had a hard time saying goodbye to our temporary home at Grandma and Grandpa Cutler's house, but we were all excited to go!

Moving and Christmas Together

Wonderful Aunt Katie and Uncle Dave and Grandpa Cutler came from Dallas to rescue us! They brought food, laughter, fun, and lots of elbow grease. Katie packed my piles into suitcases, cleaned bathrooms, and played with the baby, while Grandpa and Dave cleaned up the house and ran errands for us. We might still be there if they hadn't come to scoot us out of there!


This is Grandma and Grandpa Cutler reading the Cajun Night Before Christmas to the boys--a Cutler family tradition. What a relief to get to Mom and Dad's house where the fridge works, there's lots of toys, and lots of love. Katie and Dave and Kimmy were already there, and Amy, James and Max arrived later.


This is Russell watching the packers pack up our air shipment on our last day in our house. Both Isaac and Russell have been so brave about this whole thing, and did amazingly well without toys for a week in our nearly-empty house. They mostly just ran around outside and inside and improvised toys out of boxes and junk!


Sadly enough, our beloved harvest gold fridge broke two days before we moved. I've been praying for the ugly thing to die for a long time, but I wasn't quite prepared for it. Isaac filmed a 3-minute inch-by-inch tribute to the thing, and I called all my friends to come over for free food while I made chicken, rolls, and frozen vegetables for breakfast!


We had to say goodbye to our beautiful Martha Washington Duck. Robin and David came to visit and we took her down to the creek for her first and final swim there (I think the water level was finally low enough that she wasn't afraid!). She is living now with the Mellors in our ward who will take good care of her. We will miss our loyal friend.


Graham tried out the bouncer this week for the first time and loved it! He also rolled over, put his pacifier in his mouth, and laughed all within a matter of days! He is endlessly happy and smiley.


The moving truck drove off with most all of our stuff. Russell was especially impressed with the sheer size of the thing. We only filled half of it, but we've certainly got lots more stuff than when we drove up to the house five and half years ago with a little U-Haul! Russell has said several times with gravity since the truck drove off, "The moving truck took our trains to India." And then Isaac chimes in, "Yea, we won't see them for a long time!"


The great thing about moving is that you find long-lost stuff--like the mouthpiece to our bugle. We barely had time to enjoy it and practice our bugling talents before it too was carted off to India. Luckily we've got some of those Legos in our air shipment so we can build towers in our empty house!


It was such a relief to finally arrive at Grandma and Grandpa's house in Dallas and settle in to the Christmas fun. We are so glad to have this stopover trip with our loved ones before we face our adventures in India!


We will miss so many of our friends in Austin. We wish we'd been together enough to take pictures of all of them, but here's our next-door-neighbor Chloe.


And here's Joseph Wells. The boys didn't get a chance to say a formal "goodbye" to Joseph, Jacob, and Serena Wells, but we will surely remember them and keep in touch.

Nana in Delhi

Mom is here! I didn't allow myself to fully believe she was really truly coming to visit us all the way across the world until I saw her in the flesh. Rich had given her a scary prepping for the airport just in case we didn't arrive, but when I got there to greet her I was surprised at how not-scary it felt the third time around on the receiving end of the airport experience. Both times we arrived in the airport I felt so disoriented and scared. But I guess sometimes you feel that way in Chicago or New York or wherever. Anyway, we waited around for an hour dodging mosquitos and trying to distract Russell from slithering on the floor and she miraculously arrived! Russell was nervous to see her at first and didn't understand why we weren't getting on an airplane, but he's warmed up to her nicely since then.

Our first day we stopped to get Isaac at the school. Then we had lunch at the cafeteria with Marcia, Ellie and Tom. Then went home and Nanna crashed. Couldn't blame her after 48 hours of almost no sleep. Rich came home early, but by the time he came home I had totally lost it between some tantrum-ing children and eight unexpected merchants who all showed up within a couple of hour's time (and no, I'm not exaggerating! Three men to collect money for the generator, two painters to talk about painting but not paint, a carpenter to talk about fixing the gate but doesn't have time to do it until next week, a delivery man from the grocery store bringing cheese we didn't ask for, and a guy from the gas company to refill our canister but it turned out to be the wrong company). So Mom got a taste early on of how out of control and angry I feel sometimes in this strange place where I can't communicate and/or can't understand.

So on Thursday we went to school and Nanna played with the kids while I went to my Hindi class. Then we went to Khan Market to find contact solution and I bought a skirt and a toy scooter for Russell. We went home for a little nap, then met Marcia, Tom and Ellie at the school pool for a swim. Luckily Russell decided to get in after swimming lessons there last week where he refused to even get in. We chatted with Marcia, which is always fun, and then went to pick up Rich at work.

Friday was Good Friday so Rich was off work. We went to this water park called Food N Fun Village and Nanna swam with the baby and chatted with our friends who had invited us while Isaac and Daddy and Mommy tried out the slides. I went on one that was sort of like a toilet bowl, and it's definitely a rush to go on a waterslide that you know hasn't been checked by any lawyers or measures up to any US standards of safety! All that sun was quite draining so we went home and essentially went to bed.

Saturday we were slow getting out the door but eventually made our way to the India Gate Children's Park for a picnic and play. Then we drove over to Connaught Place and went shopping in an underground market where Rich bought a sahib suit to wear to parties. Then we got him just in time for Mom and me to go get our pedicures and manicures at this exclusive French salon for way cheap. Mom said it was her best pedicure yet. It was my first pedicure ever . . . had to move halfway around the world to learn how to pamper myself! Then we got home and Rich and Nana went for takeout food and a movie. They came home with yummy spicy Indian vegetarian and a cheesy Bollywood flick. We started falling asleep halfway through (as usual . . . all Bollywood films are like 3 hours long!), but what we saw was great.

This morning Nanna woke up with the Delhi Belly. Yuck, yuck. So we had to leave her home and she missed out on seeing the truly unique church experience in Delhi. We had a beautiful Easter sacrament meeting program and Russell didn't cling to me for the first time at church and we didn't have any major dramatic moments at any point during the meetings. So perhaps we are at last adjusting to church life in India.

Another Day in the Life of Mindy

7:00 pm (night before--to get the full picture we must start here...) I fall asleep on the floor while giving the FHE lesson. I've been totally exhausted fighting whatever disease my body has. I vaguely hear Rich and the kids pop popcorn and go to bed.

1:00 am I wake up and take out my contacts. Can't sleep because I'm still coughing and have been for over a month. I drink some herbal tea and read "A Joyful Mother of Children" by Linda Eyre for a bit. I realize that many of my frustrations are not unique to India and maybe I could get over this cough and feel better about life in general if I got some exercise.

6:00 am I wake up and tell myself I'm going to get up and take a walk. Fall back to sleep

6:45 am Isaac crawls in bed with us (next to Graham who joined us some time in the wee hours). I try to get out of bed and go for a walk without anyone noticing. Isaac asks where I'm going. "For a walk," I say. "Can I come?" I tell him he can if he gets ready in time. He does in lightning speed and we take a short walk.

7:00 am I come home to Russell nearly hyperventilating because he's been crying the whole time we were gone. "I wanted (sniff sniff) to go with Ma-Maaaaa."

7:15 am Russell and I go for a walk. I carry him most of the way. It's already getting hot. We see two dog fights on the way.

7:30 We eat breakfast. Oatmeal.

7:45 I realize I no longer have time for a shower and try to make myself look presentable enough anyway. Can't put my contacts in because one eye is too swollen. Maybe too much sleep?

7:55 Isaac and I go off to school leaving Rich with the sobbing Russell in his arms: "I want to go with Ma-Maaaaa!"

8:30 Drop Isaac off at school

8:40 Sign up Russell and Isaac for Saturday Swim Classes. I put them in the same class, mostly for logistical purposes. It's called Water Exploration, so surely they can both handle it.

9:00-10:00 Hindi Class. I learn how to say "Do Not Disturb" in Hindi: "Disturb nahee carriega." Good to know.

10:00-11:00 Wait for the driver to arrive outside the school on a bench while I worry about the kids at home with Sarita. Feel very guilty that I'm just sitting here while I could be at home taking care of my kids. Wonder if the Hindi class is such a good idea.

11:00-12:00 Go to Marcia's House for a coffee hour. I don't drink the coffee and wait for the kids to arrive with Sarita.

12:00-12:30 The kids arrive. Russell has a poopy diaper that's soaked through because he won't let Sarita change it. I get him all cleaned up and into Isaac's pants (which Sarita had mistakenly brought along). He won't take them off all day, insisting they are his pants as he pulls them up for the thousandth time!).

12:30-1:30 We all go shopping together. Try for the third time to get into a shop called Basix that supposedly sells the only sofa beds in the city. The first time I tried to go it was closed for this strike against the government because they're tearing down buildings that aren't built to code. The second time I tried to go it was closed. On this third attempt today I find that the government had "sealed" the shop so not even the owner can get in! When I call the owner to see if it will open again, he assures me it will be "de-sealed" by tomorrow. We'll see . . . Meantime, Mom's prospect of a bed apart from an air mattress is looking dismal.

1:30-2:15 Go to the doctor to see why I'm still coughing after 1 month and two rounds of antibiotics. I don't realize until I cart the kids in and get checked in that I don't have any rupees to pay for the visit and Rich has my ATM card. I walk away frustrated. I try to change my US dollars at a nearby bank, but they don't do that there, of course. Realize I won't have time to see the doctor anyway once I try another bank, so I give up and go get Isaac.

2:00-2:30 Pick up Isaac at a playdate at a Korean classmate's house. His mom said (in broken English) she wanted Isaac over to help her son practice his English. When I arrive they are watching Harry Potter and eating pizza and there's another Korean classmate there. Isaac looks scared and/or bored. I rush him out of there as fast as I can. Isaac tells me in the car they didn't wear seatbelts on the way home from school. I say, "That's not really safe," and don't really know what else to say. Most Indian cars don't even have seat belts in the back seat. How can I require my kids to wear seat belts if they aren't even there?

2:30-3:00 Drive home. As we get out of the car the guard informs us that the garbage man will no longer pick up our garbage because it's too smelly (from our diapers--I guess we have more of them than most since we don't let our kids poop in the street). I wonder what we'll do if nobody will pick up our garbage . . .

3:00 Find that Sudhir has put two really wet and soapy rugs in the dryer and the whole mess is sloshing around in there. I ask him what this is and he looks at me blankly. I send them off on their lunch break and try to fix the mess. Just after they leave I find a square burned onto the wooden table in the kitchen hiding under a muffin tray. Make a mental note to ask Sarita about that one. This sort of stuff must be what Claudia was talking about when she kept telling me not to let them near anything you couldn't handle being broken or ruined.

3:00-3:30 Isaac lays on the rug at my feet while I feed the baby. "Mom, what does settled mean? Are we settled yet?" Everyone here seems to ask that question: "Are you settled yet?" I think for a minute, then say, "Isaac, I think settled means you feel like this is home. Do you feel that way yet?" "Yes," he says, and runs off to play. I'm so happy to hear he feels settled!

4:00-6:00 Feel too exhausted to face the projects and staff angst at home, so I decide to go to the Australian-New Zealand Mom's Group (they let Americans come as long as they aren't too obnoxious!). There's about 20 kids there, 12 moms, 3 ayahs (nannies). The "bag man" comes to show us all the designer leather bags he can make. I watch nearly all of the moms order a bag while I feed Graham baby food and try to fight fires with the kids. This bag man has funky colors, cool designs, all for $20-30. I think about how I still need to buy a generator and come up with more space for storing clothes and choose curtain fabric before I start thinking about bags. Besides, Rich would kill me if I came home with another bag!

6:00 Come home and make Mac and Cheese for the kids. I'm trying to gorge them on it before it expires in hopes that they'll be so sick of it they won't want it anymore once it's gone! Not sure if it will work. I don't plan on telling them we can get it here for $5 a box!

7:00 Find that Sarita and Sudhir have written angry messages in their time card book because we didn't pay them the way they wanted. Stew about that one while I get the kids ready for bed.

8:00 Sit down and try to figure out what is going on with Sarita and Sudhir and try to work out a workable solution. Graham wakes up and joins me on the floor nearby--he will sit happily forever chewing on a toy and then suddenly switch to the tummy-down position and zoom off in search of something better. His favorite things to head for are electrical outlets, of course!

9:00 Rich comes home and makes me toasted tuna and cheese sandwiches and offers good advice about dealing with Sarita and Sudhir. He lays down on the rug beside me and falls asleep.



I wrote all this down thinking that it would illustrate what a terrible day I had. Once it all came out, it wasn't all that bad. It turns out that I have bronchitis, so perhaps my feeling for the day was colored by the infection and exhaustion a bit. Anyway, it's a good life. In the end, the kids make life so joyful no matter where we live, as long as I step back from the mayhem and recognize it!

Of Chocolate, Dry Erase Markers, and Sacrament Trays

Okay, so when I lived in Mexico I loved going to church every Sunday because it was at least familiar when everything else wasn't. The music was the same though the words were in a different language. The sacrament was the same.

But church doesn't have that same healing effect here. Maybe it's because I'm older and grumpier, maybe because we have children now. Maybe it's because we now have callings, maybe it's because during the week I live the superficial expat life and on Sunday we really live in India. But honey, we're not in Utah or Texas or even Mexico anymore! Everything is essentially the same, but it feels worlds away from what I expect.

Let's take last Sunday for example. Nobody in the Relief Society presidency bothered to show up to church. So I had prepared a lesson for our one young woman and I volunteered to teach it to the Relief Society. But before that they had invited another sister to improvise a lesson, so we split the time. Sort of. Actually, Russell was my "helper" during the lesson (he won't leave my side during church--even with Daddy) and when he started screaming for the dry erase marker so he could write on the wall I had to turn the time over to the other sister quickly. I didn't even say "in the name of Jesus Christ, amen" or bear my testimony. I just ran out of there, hoping nobody could see my tears. "I'm not ever going back to Church!" I said under my breath.

So when he got home, poor President Cutler (yes, Rich is the branch president now . . . they forgot to look hard at his wife before that call) got an earful about that little incident. At a recent training the mission president's wife counseled that when people don't show up to do their calling (a big problem here) you need to speak to them as soon as possible and lovingly convey to them that they were missed. So Rich called the RS president and asked what had happened. She had a hurt back. He told her (lovingly) that when she is not well she needs to arrange for someone to be there to be in charge.

The amazing thing is that this Sunday (yes, I did go back...the church may be weird in India, but it's still true) this sister got up in Relief Society and chewed everyone out for not taking over for her when she was sick. "I would hope that everyone in this Relief Society would be willing to take charge and teach a lesson in such a situation." The sister missionary from the USA raised her hand and tried to tell her we had actually had a lesson, but she said people had called her and told her terrible things happened.

So as I'm listening to this lecture in awe, I turn around to check on Graham who is in another sister's lap, and his face and hands are covered in chocolate! Graham is 7 months old now and we have very carefully given him plain homemade baby food of fruits and veggies one at a time over the past several weeks, avoiding such potential allergens such as chocolate, wheat, egg, etc. So I rush out of there with Graham in my arms, Russell at my heels. It just sounds funny now, but I was sobbing by the time I found my way to a sink. Totally sobbing.

I recovered mostly after a few blessed minutes by myself (and the kids) to pry the Kit Kat pieces out of Graham's tight little fists and clean him off. Then had a little talk with the giver of the chocolate. "Sister, he wanted it," she said, "But he definitely wasn't swallowing it, only licking it." It will be amazing if these children survive India. Even more amazing if I make it through without becoming horribly bitter or insane.

After that I went to teach the Young Women lesson to Carolina, our only consistently active young woman. The lesson was on Seeking the Companionship of the Holy Ghost and I felt that Spirit as I taught. "Oh yeah, this is why I'm here," I thought to myself. As we worked on one of her personal progress goals we talked about Elder Eyring's talk in the November general conference: "Spiritual Preparedness: Start Early and Be Steady" He says,
So, the great test of life is to see whether we will hearken to and obey God’s commands in the midst of the storms of life. It is not to endure storms, but to choose the right while they rage. And the tragedy of life is to fail in that test and so fail to qualify to return in glory to our heavenly home."

As I testified to Carolina that we need to be spiritually and temporally prepared for whatever unexpected storms may come our way, I wondered, "Did I start early enough to be spiritually prepared for this whole India shebang?" "Am I steady enough to not go inactive or lose my testimony in India?" Got some work to do, I think.

Earlier in the meeting block today Isaac and Russell got in a quite loud fight about who was going to pass the sacrament tray--the bread of life. In the midst of all of it half of the sacrament bread flew off the tray onto the floor. I closed my eyes and thought, "I'm never coming back again." Then I hurled Rich a meaningful glance as he sat quietly on the stand likely trying not to fall asleep. I extracted the tray from the boys and passed it to the deacon, then picked up the bread from the floor and held it in my hand. "What am I supposed to do with this?" I thought. Russell was upset that I had not put it back. I explained that I couldn't put it back because it was dirty from the floor and stuffed it in our bag.

Since that heated moment I'm thinking there's something there in that discarded bread about how I'm going to make good of this church experience in India. It's all about what I choose to do with my portion of the bread of life that is passed to me. It's the bread of life regardless of who passes it, how sanitary it is, or what language it's in. I can either stuff it in my bag and forget about it because it didn't come to me quite the way I'd expected it. Or I can accept the offering with gratitude or even laughter and let it cleanse my soul.

Reminds me of that great C.S. Lewis quote about the Lord's plan for us:

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

I guess we're going for the palace here. Onward, ho!

Graham the Bird-Eater

Nana says Graham eats just like a little bird with his mouth wide open.
However he eats, eating makes him very, very happy. He makes us very, very happy too