The Most Amazing Breakfast Cereal EVER

So a couple of weekends ago Merinda sent me to the local grocery place and one of the things on the list was some breakfast cereal. To save a few rupees I picked up the local brand.

Just a disclaimer: It always bothers me when people mock foreigners trying to speak English. Let's give them credit, I mean, how good is your Hindi?

So grammer aside, just check out the wonderful things that this breakfast cereal can do. Here's the printing on the back:

Avee's Family Crunch Muesli
It's origin has been from Switzerland and other western countries, which proved magnificent results on mind, mood, physique, stamina, tummy, digestive system, tolerance, longitivity and general health. Hence the Avee's Family Crunch Muesli has much been appreciated and motivate the liking and love of maximum personalities of various spheres of life in the world.
Benefits
Avee's Family Crunch Muesli avoids dowdy or slacking & keeps one alert, smart, attractive, young, impressive and dominating. Being a most be-fitting low-fat-diet keeps a person ever ready to take up any task successfully any time of a day or night & produce outstanding results.
Gives stamina to devote more hours on work without break & without feeling dowdy or dour.
Least time consuming and is a perfect low fat diet and a fastest food available any time without much of struggle.
Boost vitimans, reduces cholesterol, maintains youth-fullness.
Taste & Consumption
Avee's Family Crunch Muesli consumption goes up for its delicious taste, health giving ingredients, life-long benefits, and facilitates fast food.
Fibre Editable Grains
Regular use of Avee's Family Crunch Muesli boosts appetite-an orderly healthy routine, maintains smart physique, stamina & sexual urge.

So of course I had to eat this stuff every day for a while. I mean long life? Good looks? Succeed in ANY task day or night? The very Fountain of Youth sitting before me in this box? Not to mention that bit at the end... How could you not eat it at any and all possible times?

As it turns out, the task was not easy. The stuff tasted like moist cardboard. Still, I did feel something different. The mystical renewing powers of this ancient land's breakfast cereal? Or just the power of positive thinking?