We Have ANOTHER Winner!

Yes, we did say the essay contest was over and Mark was the winner. Only Todd Hendricks would be so audacious as to send in an entry anyway. But, as usual, he's written something that makes us bust up laughing, and since he's able to get himself here before we vacate the place, he now becomes the keeper of the prize. And we win too, of course, because we get a visit from Todd and Hilary next week--some of our favorite people!

And now, the essay . . .

Disclaimer: With a billion official Indian languages to choose from, ranging from Urdu to Telugu, I have chosen to write my essay in Assamese.

Essay for Todd J. Hendricks

It’s true that I haven’t ever imagined myself in India, which is very odd since India and its beliefs have shaped so much of my life. I have the Bhagavad Gita on my bookshelf. I haven’t read it, but I understand it’s an important book. I know that Gandhi is an epic movie. I haven’t watched that either. But I am practicing Indian-style recovery to help me after the epic, 14-hour plane flight: I do yoga at Gold’s Gym. (Since Rich knows how inflexible I used to be, I’ve included a picture of me in bridge pose.)

I guess India’s biggest influence on my life was Mr. K. Donald Cobain, a modern-day holy man. Mr. Cobain lived in Seattle, where he sent out his influence worldwide, specifically with a brilliant album titled “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” This from an organization named after a serious Hindu value: Nirvana.

So choose me, vote for me, pay for me to go to India for the following reasons:

I understand the culture. As soon as I started working in corporate America, I could relate to the caste system. Having been on the bottom with no chance of reaching the top, I would like to go over and network with others in my situation. Perhaps even more fascinating, I would like to meet those who will be taking my job when it’s outsourced. I have also heard in the business world (perhaps more times than there are people in India) the term “sacred cow.” That, alone, should prove my understanding of the culture.

I enjoy a change of scenery. It seems that with America you should be able to see something different if you travel from the Pacific coast to the Atlantic coast, but now it’s all the same. Fat Americans everywhere you go. Obese dads, sedentary moms, chubby kids. Fat, fat, fat! I know this isn’t the case in India. Gandhi for example—skinny. So skinny clothes wouldn’t fit and he had to wear a bed sheet. Then there’s the iconic Mother Theresa. She was just the cutest nun ever, although I still get confused if it was she or Michael Jackson who said, “I’m a lover not a fighter.” Anyway, I love panoramic, scenic variety. Bring on the skinny people!

I’m not intimidated. There is a reason I’m not intimidated to travel to India: I know the magic words. In foreign travel, all you have to do is speak loudly, “Do you know I’m American?” This carries a subtle, but easily understood threat. Something along the lines of, “You know how George W. Bush messed up the supreme court? Don’t make me call him to do the same thing to you!”

I can forgive Rich. This has been a dark hole, a specter, if you will, in my soul. It just didn’t seem right that Rich should enjoy a childhood plus a young adulthood plus adulthood where he had a maid, a housekeeper, and a chauffeur. Where was my maid to do my laundry? This trip will compensate for my unrealized desire to be waited upon hand and foot. And as a bonus, I’ll throw in extra forgiveness about that remark from Rich’s sister that I looked like an elf with my pointy ears, and also from his friend who said she felt like she was in Munchkin Land because all of us but Rich were lucky to push past 4 feet tall wearing Doc Martins. (Hint: This section alone should convince Rich to choose me.)

I have passion. One of the repeated aspirations of the late Jonathan Gemmill was to fund the entire construction of a building on the Brigham Young University campus. It was to be named the Spencer Harris Institute of Technology. Similar to that, I have a passionate dream. There is nothing I would enjoy more than casually dropping (to everyone I come in contact with), “Yes, I won an essay contest. And in so doing, I received a trip to India. It was magnificent. You should go there. Really.” I will deliver that line over and over again in a slow, cadenced, sincere, somewhat folksy, somewhat sorry-for-you-that-you-can’t-even-write-and-will-never-see-India tone.

I won’t act like a tourist. While the majority of visitors will be shopping for spoons with the shape of India at the top or trawling around for miniature Taj Mahals, I will pursue scientific journeys. I will bring home a vial of the Ganges river to see if anything can really be more vile than Utah Lake. Then I will intimately experience the miracles of science as my body becomes a breeding ground for parasites. (Do you have the Nitazoxanide treatment at your place?)

I recognize a great deal. While we all know I mentally scraped by to graduate with my MBA and I still find nearly all things to do with math fuzzy, Rich and Merinda gave me a story problem I could solve:

Free airfare + Free room and board < The price of gas, rice, and electricity in America

In this case, less than is a good thing. I promise, if you choose me as your house guest you will fully realize the meaning of your essay contest. I will be yours. Truly.

To quote Pedro, “Vote for me and your wildest dreams will come true.”

And as a bonus:

Two-for-one deal.

A vote for Todd Hendricks is a vote for Hilary Hendricks. Hilary would love to see something beyond Utah County since she married a dud who moved her to Spanish Fork. Not only do Todd and Hilary have their own passports, Hilary could pay for all of her expenses and keep Todd adequately medicated for a pleasant experience for all. And she would ensure that Todd and Rich would not bore everyone with “Remember when . . .” stories from college. Hilary would also like to write and photograph a story about Primary kids in India for Friend magazine—Is that a 3-for-1 deal?

And as a bonus on top of a bonus:

Todd and Hilary would even bring home an extra suitcase full of Cutler housewares. To our house or yours? If it’s great stuff, we may call to let you know Delta has yet again “lost” your baggage.

Isaac's Faith

Me (while rooting around for the paper cutter for Isaac's latest project and tripping over stuff we're sorting to sell, give away, air ship, sea ship, take in suitcases, etc. as we get ready for our sudden move across the world):
"Oh, Isaac, I just don't know if we can do this."

Isaac (without hesitation and a slightly annoyed tone):
"Mommy, Heavenly Father wants us to move back to America, so everything is going to work out just fine."

Thanks, Isaac. What a great, faithful kid he is.

People I Love In India: Sonia

When I think about leaving Delhi, I am the most sad about the people I will miss and perhaps never see again. I certainly won't get around to writing about all of them, but I'll start with one of my favorite people--Sonia Sharma.

Sonia joined our church about three years ago. Whenever you see Sonia she is smiling and greeting people warmly, having fun, and working hard. She is eager to learn secular truths and the truths of the Gospel, and just finished serving beautifully as our branch Relief Society president. She knows how to be a good friend, and freely gives of her time, energy and affection to so many.

Sonia is from a Hindu family, and they allowed her to join our Christian church and attend the meetings. But they insisted that she marry a Hindu man they pick out for her in an arranged marriage. When her older sister attempted to do otherwise, her mother started having seizures she was so upset, and wouldn't settle down until her daughter consented to go for the arranged marriage. Sonia struggled with this dilemma with her marriage for some time, and finally decided to defy her family and marry a member of our church. She met Bobby while he was serving a mission here in Delhi, and they got to know each other better at the All-India Single Adult Conference last year. They were married in Bangalore on April 17th and sealed in the Hong Kong Temple on April 29th .
Her parents and relatives still do not know she got married. They think she has gone to Bangalore for a job (which is true--she does have a good job there). Can you imagine getting married and nobody in your family even knows? She doesn't plan to tell them for a few years to avoid the weeping and wailing and perhaps violence that could result. Also, if she doesn't tell them she can send money home for her sister's education; if they knew she had married a Christian in a love marriage, they would not accept her money.

I had the awesome opportunity to go to Hong Kong and be there with Sonia to help her receive her endowments and be sealed to Bobby last month. So fun to go to Hong Kong on my own and hang out in this amazing city with Sonia and Bobby for an evening.

Here's Sonia trying octopus for the first time on the streets of Hong Kong--she didn't like it!
It was a sacred and sweet experience to be the two of them in the temple. Sonia said to me during a quiet moment in the temple, "Sister, I feel so unworthy to be here. So many people sacrifice so much to come here, and I feel like I didn't have to sacrifice anything to be here." After thinking for a moment, I remembered that her Sonia's Canadian aunt paid for their trip to Hong Kong, and she was referring to the fact that she didn't have to sacrifice financially. But I was aghast that she didn't feel like she had sacrificed! What an amazing woman she is.

I know she will do great things in Bangalore and wherever else life takes her. I'm so glad she found a great guy like Bobby to walk by her side as she joyfully and faithfully goes through life.

5 Ways that Cricket is cooler than Baseball

Rich here.

Indians as a whole are rabid cricket fans. There's typically a game on as I'm walking by the cafeteria and if there's a big match, like India versus Pakistan, everything in the country basically grinds to a halt.

Traditional cricket takes morning till dark for five whole days to play a single match that often ends up in a draw. A shortened "one day cricket" version of the game caught on because not a lot of people have time to sit and watch a single game for five days anymore. A whole day is still a lot of time for me, but finally a new game has come on the scene called Twenty20 (or T20 for short). This one is only a couple of hours, like a baseball or football game, and it is actually a pretty fun sport to watch.

So what is cricket anyway? A very rough approximation is that it's baseball with only two bases, and the batter stays at bat until the somebody knocks down some sticks the batter is standing in front of or somebody catches a pop fly.


I took our 100 software engineers out for a professional T20 game recently. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I actually enjoyed it just as much if not more than a baseball game. So at the risk of sounding un-American, here are:

Five Ways Cricket is Cooler than Baseball

1. The Batsmanship

In basball there is only one type of swing, two if you count bunting. The strike zone is pretty small. In cricket the strike zone is huge. The bowler can throw it right at your feet, to your right or left or straight at your hands.

You don't necessarily have to hit the ball ahead like you do in baseball. The two bases are in the middle of a big round field. Sometimes the batsman will pop the ball up and over their head behind them. Or hit it back and to the side. Or just try and wack it out of the park. The variety of different kinds of swings is huge and the batting part of the game a lot more interesting.

I've tried playing a couple of times and am certainly not a very athletic person, but I've found hitting in cricket darn near impossible.

2. The pitching

The pitcher doesn't just stand there and throw the ball. These guys are athletic. They run towards the batter, and the rules for throwing make it so you can't cock your arm, it has to stay straight. So they kind of hurl themselves forward at it.

The pitcher (or bowler) takes a huge running start, sprints towards the line on the left, jumps over the line, and before his foot touches the ground, hurls the ball at the batsman. Typically, the ball bounces once on the ground before reaching him.

These bowlers are able to achieve near-fastball types of speeds doing this. There is another pitching style where they don't run as fast, but spin the ball so that it breaks after hitting the ground.

Visually, the whole spectacle of the bowler running across the field and throwing themselves at the batsman is a lot of fun to watch.

3. More wholesome controversy

Every sport has it's controversies, it's part of the fun. Baseball has certainly had its share in the last few years.

Cricket has its share as well but they are of a much more wholesome variety. There are two big ones I can think of recently. One was where an Indian player talked some trash to an Australian on the field. Now you don't have to be a professional lipreader to understand some of the vile expletives that cross the fields of American sports.

The Indian player's crime: He called the Australian a "monkey". Charges of racism flew and the whole thing ended up in big protests across India with people burning effigies of umpires.

The other burning issue that I got to witness firsthand at the cricket match I attended was this:


You can't see it very well, but those are cheerleaders that were imported from the USA for India's new cricket league. I think they are from the Washington Redskins.

When they first came to India, they wore the skimpy outfits that are standard fare for the ladies in that profession. There was such a hue and cry from the local political leaders they either got banned or in the case of the ones I saw in Delhi, dressed up better, so now they are covered up from head to toe. The debate rages on, after all the outfits are not any worse than your typical Bollywood movie dance number. This sort of debate is very refreshing after having to endure the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction wall-to-wall news coverage back home.

(One interesting note is that they didn't let some of the dark-skinned cheerleaders perform. The sad part is that this didn't didn't really generate much buzz in the local newspapers.)

4. The drama of the game

The fun of sport are those dramatic moments. Sure, in baseball you've got the home run, but cricket has that too. Players slide into the bases in baseball but in cricket also does it: They dive headfirst towards the line with their bats sticking out.

The key difference between cricket and baseball is this: There is only one inning in the whole game, and each player gets only one shot at bat. If you get out, you're done for the whole game. The good news is that you keep hitting until you are out. In regular cricket, it is possible for a really good batsman to stay at bat for a really long time, slogging it out for whole day or two and score over a hundred points. (That's why the regular game takes days and days to finish, you have to get twelve guys out this way and they are mostly just bunting all the time to keep from getting out.)


So when somebody gets out, it doesn't happen very often and it is a big deal. If the batter gets struck out these sticks get knocked down and sometimes go flying through the air. If a pop fly is caught, the whole team goes crazy. The fielder throws the ball high into the air and the whole team runs towards the fielder where they all hug and celebrate.

In the meanwhile, the batter slowly walks back alone across that big round field to the dugout, his head held in shame.

5. The fans

Here are some of my employees getting painted up for the game.


Could a billion people this nice-looking be wrong?




For those of you who are interested in reading on, here is a quick primer on the rules of the game:

The Rules

Here's a picture of the cricket field we went to as they were warming up and getting it ready:

The game is played on a big round field with the batting happening in the middle. At the bottom of the picture you can see a boundary line that goes around the entire field. Batters can hit the ball in any direction.

Cricket is a bit like baseball, there's a pitcher (called the "bowler"), and a batter (called the "batsman"), and a bunch of fielders standing around. The fielders have to cover a huge area.

Instead of bases like in baseball there are two lines with a set of three sticks, called "the wicket", behind each line. These sticks are just lightly tapped in the ground and can be easily knocked over by a ball. There is a batsman behind each of the lines, only one of which is batting at a time.

The bowler takes a big running start, throws the ball and the batsman then tries to hit it. If he succeeds, he runs from his safe area towards the line on the other side. The guy on the other side also runs the other way, and they keep switching places back and forth from line to line for as long as they feel safe doing so.

There are three basic ways to score:

1. They get one point for each time the batsman on the right crosses the batsman on the left as they are running back and forth, switching places. So if the batter hits a good grounder, they might run back and forth twice and score two points.
   
2. If the batsman hits the ball hard enough that it rolls out of the big round boundary before a fielder stops it, they score an automatic four points.
3. If the batsman hits a home run out of the boundary, they get six points.

There are three basic ways to get out:

1. Just like in baseball, if the ball is caught by a fielder before hitting the ground, you're out.
2. If when one of the batsmen is running between the lines, one of the fielders throws the ball and knocks over the sticks, you're out.
3. If the bowler pitches the ball to you and the ball knocks over the sticks right behind you, you're out.
   

In regular cricket they play two innings and in each inning they have to get all 12 players out (or the sun sets on the 5th day and the match is declared a draw.) They shorten the game by fixing the number of pitches. Twenty20 means that each team gets twenty "overs" or groups of six pitches. After 120 pitches, the teams switch sides and whoever got the most points wins.

Healthcare Heaven

The day we found out we are leaving India, I got an eye infection. Like I do with many medical things, I ignored it and hoped it would go away. I stopped wearing my contacts and wore my funky new glasses. But my funky new glasses give me a headache, so 5 days later when it still wasn't getting better I decided it was time to go to a doctor. And here begins the delight of medicine in Delhi . . .

1. I try to find a doctor. Instead of looking in the yellow pages, I ask a few people, check my Delhi Network book, and send a message to the Yuni-Net email list last night. A woman I know sends me a list almost immediately of 10 recommended opthamologists.

2. In the morning I start calling the doctors close to my house. All the numbers are mobile numbers and the doctor himself answers every time. One doc named Dr. Verma said he would be in his office (a bit far from my house) all morning, but I could come to his house (closer to my house) between 4 and 6 pm today. "I don't have to make an appointment?" I said. "Just come sometime between those hours," he said.

3. Graham and I pick up Isaac and Russell from school and stop by Dr. Verma's house on the way home. I am steeling myself for the circus that usually erupts when I go to the doctor with all of my kids. We walk in the gate and the guard escorts us into a small room with all the usual opthalmologist equipment at the front of the house. We wait literally TWO minutes for the doctor to come in. He comes in, examines my eyes, tells me what's wrong, writes me a prescription, I pay him Rs. 300 (US$7). Done. The whole thing took TEN minutes, and we even had some conversations about Lasik and why my glasses might be giving me a headache. No copying my insurance card (US$7 was the TOTAL COST of the visit), no filling out extensive paperwork, no signing disclaimers, no seeing an assistant before the real doctor. Just plain and simple medicine.

4. Rich goes out in the rain with Graham at 8 pm (isn't he a hero?) and walks through the alley and across the street to the chemist (pharmacy). He shows the guy the prescription, the guy finds it and hands it to Rich, Rich pays Rs. 38.20 (US$0.90) and walks home. No waiting in line, no waiting for the prescriptions, no insurance cards, no paperwork. Medicine without the bells and whistles is still medicine. NINETY CENTS for two prescriptions!

I am NOT ready to face the fun of healthcare in the good 'ol USA. I AM ready for this eye infection to go away so I can think straight without my glasses on. Maybe I will go for that Lasik . . .

Mark Gurney's Winning Essay

Following is Mark's brilliant essay. Isn't he the greatest?

Unfortunately, Mark has declined the prize, so it's now open to anyone willing to write an essay and willing to come here before the end of June. Anyone game? You've got a week, and you better have a passport because there's likely not time to get one at this point!

"Oh India, how do you need me? Let me count the ways."

by Mark Gurney

10. India Needs Cleanliness. I've never been to India, but I've heard from first-hand sources that India needs cleanliness...and who better to deliver than "yours truly". I've been known to clean buildings in one single bound. My nickname in high school was Mr. Clean. Needless to say, if India wants to get cleaner, that will start with me.

9. India Needs the Possibility of a Gurney Trifecta. This possibility has only been spoken of in hushed tones in dark places...but it is possible that a Gurney Trifecta could converge on India. There's no telling what this Trifecta could mean for the country. Imagine, The three middle Gurneys together; Brandon, Merinda, and Mark.

8. India Needs Order. I've heard from various sources that India has a hard time coming to complete stops at stop signs, keeping straight lines, and correctly ordering french fries at McDonalds. Well not only have I done those things, but I've done them in order of each other, including stopping at a stop sign on my way to McDonalds, waiting patiently in line to give my order, and then placing my order by saying, "shukria for the french fries", but I've also helped old ladies at nursing homes do the same thing.

7. India Needs Another Blonde. I've heard that your boys are tired of being stared at because they have blonde hair and blue eyes. Well, they'd stop staring if they saw more of those features...and I offer both!

6. India Needs an American Who Has Sat Down to Watch All Six Hours of Sholay! I know India culture inside and out by the mere fact that I have watched all of Sholay...over an extended period of time.

5. India Needs Less Congestion. I don't cause a lot of traffice, and I currently don't have a cold, and do not plan to have one any time soon. Also, I don't have allergies and won't be sneezing because of dust.

4. India Needs Someone Unfamiliar in How to Make Nuclear Weapons. I'm not sure if you've noticed but India is next to Pakistan, and sometimes the two countries want to show off their guns...well this potential visitor has very little in the gun cabinet (meaning muscles), and is definitely not familiar in the nuclear ways. In other words, just peace and love from this brother.

3. India Needs PHUN, that's PH (balanced). India needs someone who is:
Pretty
Hot
Unless
Near OGLE-2005-BLG-390L b (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060921201511AAFCaQ7)

2. India Needs Family. This may be unfair, but I am family and that makes visiting so much more fun. I can be a true uncle to your boys, and even play Kalamus Fire with them. No guaranties that it will be as fun as with Brandon, but Uncles are Uncles and brothers ar brothers.

and the number one reason why India Needs Yours Truly is....

1. India Needs Mark Gurney. While I can't offer to lower the cost of gasoline on the average consumer, I can't offer troop withdrawals within 90-days of of being in office, I can't promise all those manufacturing jobs back to the workers, I can't offer to bring back the middle class, I can't offer a peaceful resolution to the Palestinian-Israel conflict, I can't offer lower taxes and more spending, I can offer myself, which is pretty darn good and a promise I can deliver on.

Thank you for your consideration.

Why Texas Needs The Cutlers (or the Cutlers need Texas . . .)

You know that essay contest? It ends today, and the only entrant, Mark Gurney, is the official winner. Mark, if you want to come to India in the next four weeks, we will be your happy hosts. But you might have to help us pack. I guess we could change the essay contest to "Why Texas Needs a Visit from Yours Truly," but somehow I don't think we'll have as much enthusiasm.

We know for sure now. We are going home!

Total shocker. But I'm surprised how relieved I feel. Mostly because now we at least know what's next, but also because we get to go home where things are familiar, where our family is, where we belong.

I started crying when I looked up the school lunch menu at Blockhouse Creek Elementary and saw that every single day they have something Isaac will like! How crazy is that? I'm already arranging in my head my new furniture in my old house. I'm straining to picture what will be growing in our backyard, how big the tree we planted in the front yard must be by now, how much fun my big boys will have now playing in the backyard rock garden. I'm giddy thinking about seeing Janielle and her baby anytime I feel like driving to New Braunfels or she feels like driving to Leander. And then there's the brand new Leander Ward building and the newly-formed Vista Oaks ward. Christa's baby I haven't met yet, LDS role models and friends galore. Isaac and Russell can ride their bikes to school every day, recite the Pledge of Allegiance, and observe a moment of silence for prayer every morning. It's 30 degrees cooler in Texas right now. Ahhhhh.

There are lots of big question marks. What will Rich's job be in Austin? Will we be able to fit into our old house? Will we be so shocked by the consumerism and sterility and wide open spaces and anonymity in America that we'll want to run back to India? Maybe. But this feels right today. Tomorrow will have to be dealt with tomorrow.

Aby's 2nd Question & Whiplash

In India we drive on the left side of the road (though many people drive on the right just for fun, but the technically legal thing to do is drive on the right). The first time I went back to America after moving here we got in the car and started driving on the right side, and it felt really strange. For a few days I had this disoriented, vertigo sort of feeling every time we drove anywhere. I kept thinking we were going the wrong way when we actually weren't. Then one day I felt my brain do a creaking, crunching, slightly-painful one-eighty turn, and suddenly driving around on the "wrong" side of the road didn't feel so wrong anymore.

So, Aby, to answer your second question: "Are you moving back to the States in five weeks?"

Funny you should ask. WE DON'T KNOW! We thought we pretty much knew we were staying here another two years, so we booked our tickets to go the USA in five weeks for a VACATION and Rich's sister's wedding. The local powers-that-be assured us ("Don't worry, sir" ) that we were staying, we just needed a few signatures to make it official.

Last night, we were watching the great Bollywood flick "Jab We Met." Great movie about a girl named Geet who habitually misses trains and jumps from one plan and guy to the next with glee. Just as we reached the climax of the film, where Geet and the male lead Aditya part after he helps her get to her latest love in Manali, Rich's old boss called from Austin.

He said the powers-that-be in America have not approved the budget on our contract extension and suggested we figure out how to reduce the amount (though we're not allowed to see the actual budget--go figure). Apparently the current budget has allotments we don't need, like a giant relocation budget to get us from America to India.

Excuse me, guys, we've already relocated--we're over HERE in this third world country, waiting for you to choose our fate. This is an emotional roller coaster. Wanna jump on with us? How would YOUR wife handle this? (Okay, one of the powers-that-be is actually a really brilliant and powerful woman, but it's always so convenient to demonize those men, isn't it?)

So last night as we tried to process this new information, I started to feel my head do that creaking, crunching, slightly-painful thing again. Move back to America? Yea, way back in February we prayed and fasted and agonized and talked ad nauseum, and finally decided to stay here. But it's been a long time since then, and we're third-culture kids--our brains know how to spin every-which-way now. If we need to go back to America, we can make that decision right too.

We could kick those people out who are renting our house in Leander and have our backyard back. We could enroll our kids in Blockhouse Creek Elementary this fall and ride bikes with them to school everyday. We could run around and buy a bunch of souvenirs, take more pictures, take some cooking lessons, say goodbye to everyone, pack up, and go home.

Home.

Creak, crunch, ouch!

Nope, not just yet, missy. Maybe we can still make this work. Maybe we still want to.

Just somebody please just give me a definitive answer so my head can stop spinning. . . . I think I'm gonna have whiplash.

Aby's Burning Question

Aby 's comment on my last post:

"I'm gonna go ahead and ask an ever burning question that has been on my mind since I started reading your blog; if having all that help (driver, housekeeper, cook, etc.) is more trouble than it's worth - why have it??"

Aby, I wonder that myself quite often. Here's the reasons we always come back to:

1. It's really dirty and germy here. The amount of dust and dirt and disease here is colossal. When I wash my hands--and I wash them probably 10 times each day--I almost always see dirt coming off in the brown water dripping into the sink. When I tell the kids to go wash their hands and feet, they can clearly see why this is necessary without even talking about germs. When I open a scrapbook that has been on a shelf in a closet for months, there is sooty dirt all over on each plastic sheet protected page. When I take my winter clothes out of the closet each year I have to wash them because of all the dust that's collected on them. Even though we sweep and mop the floor every day at our house, we still have filthy dirty feet at the end of each day from walking around barefoot inside. Nothing that came into the world white remains white for long. So having servants pretty much feels necessary because keeping things clean is a really big job. The car has to be "dusted" every day as well. And then, when you add the risk of freaky diseases, having a dirty house or a dirty toilet becomes a big health hazard and the stakes are much higher in this land.

2. Servants are cheaper than machines. Unlike industrialized America where having a machine do a job is cheaper than a person, in India "help" is really cheap. The driver Anil makes $150 each month, the cook/housekeeper Margaret makes $150 too. That's for full-time work. My friend Michelle who just moved back to America from India just paid $100 for someone to come clean her house for 4 hours! I don't remember how much a dishwasher cost when we were shopping for one (it would have had to live in the laundry room if we'd gotten one), but when we looked at the one-and-only model in the shop, we decided paying servants to wash dishes would be more economical. They iron the clothes that get wrinkly from hanging out to dry or from the substandard dryer we paid too much for. They soak all the fruits and vegetables in bleach-water so the nasty microbes on them don't kill us. You get the idea.

3. They know stuff and people don't cheat them as much. One major help is that our servants speak Hindi and can therefore work as translators of language and culture. Anil can ask for directions when we're driving. Margaret can call a plumber and wait all day for him to come and communicate with him when he comes. Margaret also goes to the food market and supposedly gets better prices because she's not white (though I do have my doubts about this one). We can send Anil to buy something without us and he'll probably get a better price because he knows the little alley where you can get it cheap and they don't know he's buying for a foreigner.

4. They live here. We have two relatively nice servant's quarters above our garage (a bedroom and a bathroom with a nook for a kitchen in each) where Margaret and Poojah and her family of five live, and the driver Anil and his family of five live in the other one. They live there rent-free and get free utilities. When we drive around and see all the homeless people around us, and talk to the people at church struggling to find a place to live they can afford, we feel pretty happy that we are providing housing to two families in India. There is so much poverty around us in India, and giving to beggars is nice but doesn't necessarily help them (the money often goes to beggar-masters and doesn't get the kids a home or education). We feel like giving two families an income and a place to live is a way of doing our part to help the people of India. Their working for us also enables three children to go to school who might not otherwise be able to--two of whom are girls (who traditionally miss out on school). The first two years we lived here we had the lone driver living in one of the quarters part-time and I always felt badly that the room was being wasted on one person when there were homeless families outside.

5. They are members of our church. And this is probably the single most important reason we keep them around. Before Anil worked for us, he wasn't able to attend church because his employer made him work seven days a week. Now he comes to church every week, and is the branch mission leader. His kids know all the primary songs and his wife is the Enrichment leader. Margaret and her family joined the Church after she started working for us (her Hindu husband is not yet a member), and she says the Church has brought her family so many blessings. Now of course, if they stopped working for us they might find jobs that would allow them to continue going to church. But what if they didn't? And what if they hated us AND the Church forever because their branch president and his wife fired them?

So why all the complaining?

In spite of all the reasons I just listed, having servants is probably the number one reason that I want to get on the next plane to America. I've done a lot of thinking about why this is, and I've learned a lot about myself.

1. I am fiercely independent. This independence seems in part to be a distinctly American characteristic--something about that pioneering spirit, I guess. I haven't done a thorough study, but among all of my expatriate friends here, the Europeans and Asians don't seem to have a problem with gaggles of servants doing everything for them. But the Americans do. LDS Americans are even worse. It's hard to explain, but if I'm a stay-at-home mom who doesn't cook, clean, do laundry or drive, what do I do all day? With all these servants, my identity becomes blurred. I don't like being dependent on all of these people to survive, especially when they let me down. Though our driver would like nothing more than to be my knight in shining armor, I'm constantly bursting his bubble because I'm working toward independence from him.

2. I am a control freak. I like my laundry folded and sorted a certain way and the dishes washed and stacked in a certain order. I like my kid's diaper changed in the bedroom, not the kitchen. And I want to vomit or scream obscenities when I realize that sometimes the same rag that cleaned the toilet is now being used to wash my dishes! I like to be certain that I washed my hands before and after that chicken was cut, and that the toilet paper we just bought was actually the cheapest roll in the soft-enough category (and how do you explain that to someone who doesn't use toilet paper?). I like to drive the fastest way to school, but some days I'd rather go on the road that goes past the beautiful Lodi Gardens just because I need to see some beauty that day. And trying to explain that to Anil feels silly, so we just keep on going the yucky Ring Road way as I feel trapped and powerless in the back seat.

3. I like my privacy. I don't like having to worry if I'm being a good example to these new members of the Church in my home and in the car all day every day. I don't like it that I can't throw away the annoying noise-making toy or the machine gun toy that they gave my kids because I know they go through the trash before they empty it. I like walking around in my underwear or staying in my pajamas all day when I'm having that sort of day. And when I yell at my kids, I don't like people standing around or watching in the rearview mirror thinking, "How can madam yell at these sweet wonderful children?"

4. I am a reluctant manager. I hate ordering people around. I hate trying to figure out how to tell them nicely and constructively that they're just not cutting it. I am not good at explaining what I want and how I want it done, especially to people who don't speak English very well. I hate people being afraid of me and unwilling to tell me the truth because I'm the boss and they know I won't like what I hear. And frankly, I am non-confrontational and that is why I still have servants and can't figure out how to make it otherwise.

So there you have it, Aby. The circular thinking and reasoning that occupies way too many late-night discussions with Rich. We think we're working toward more independence from our beloved helpers. Let's see if we have the guts to put our plans into action.

Things I Miss About Living in America & Texas

Y Family
being there for smaller events
meeting new babies
visiting in smaller doses

m Privacy
not having to make pleasantries with your dishwasher
or worry about offending your minivan
or close the door every time you go potty

Z Central A/C and Heating
not having to decide every time I enter a room
if I am going to be there long enough to turn on the A/C
or remember to turn it off when I leave the room
or feel guilty because I've got A/C and heaters and
millions of people outside don't have it
and may not have power
because I'm using it all

G Nearby LDS Temples
I went to the Hong Kong Temple a few weeks ago
I could really use more spiritual feasts like that
without jet lag and expensive airline tickets and hotels

N Being Normal
would love to go somewhere and have nobody stare at me
or think I'm filthy rich or immoral
like the Americans they see on TV

Y Driving
nothing like getting in your car alone and driving
wherever you want to go
without having to explain it
or make sure your driver isn't on his lunch break

P Wide Open Spaces
sure miss road trips on freeways where you can drive fast
and don't have to dodge cars and animals and people

b Cycling
ah, to live in Blockhouse Creek again and ride bikes with my kids
to school, to the pool, to playdates, on vacations

F Drive-Thrus
sure miss the convenience of McDonald's and Wendy's
but as Rich said yesterday, at least the kids don't whine,
"Look, there's a guy cooking something in a pot under that tree!
Can we PLEEEASE stop?"

O Silence
was remembering today how jarring a car honking at you is in America
in our world you hear a car honking every few seconds
vendors shouting, generators running, fans spinning
on top of the usual kid noise endemic to young motherhood

G Public Libraries
storytime, DVDs, magazines
summer reading clubs
browsing

E Gardening
in theory I could garden, but it's really hot
and the $20/month elderly gardener is so very cute and Zen
how could I fire him?

Bridesmaid Necklaces, Part 2

Here's the necklaces Margaret made. She made six and they are all slightly different. They all are an average price of $25. If you want she can probably make a longer one or another multi-strand one, but she's packing up and moving suddenly like me, so if we can stick with what she's got, that would probably be better. She's modeling each necklace and then I've got them all lined up in a few pictures so you can see how they compare to each other. Sorry about the immodest shirt--she went and changed her shirt into something that would show off the necklaces properly!

Win A Free Trip to India!

While we were traveling in the USA over Christmas, Delta Airlines lost our suitcase full of kids' clothes, Isaac's scriptures, most of Russell's Christmas presents, and, worst of all, 12 personalized books from Nana. Russell especially was very very sad without his costumes and his Power Ranger motorcycle.

We submitted a claim to Delta and received a generous compensation for the loss, which coincidentally is roughly equal to the cost of a ticket from the USA to Delhi. Amazingly enough, nearly four months later, the bag magically appeared and Rich picked it up from the airport recently (after having to do a fair amount of yelling and screaming for three hours!).

Since we didn't spend much of that compensation money and got our stuff back anyway, we want to share the blessing and use the money to bring one lucky person to visit us here in this amazing place.

So go ahead, write a short essay. Your topic, should you choose to accept this challenge, is:

"Why India needs a visit from yours truly"

The winner will get their essay published on our blog (whoopee!) AND receive a free trip to Delhi, including airfare, free room and board in Delhi, and travel agent services if you choose to travel outside of Delhi.

All entries must be submitted by May 30th. Just include your essay as a comment on this post, or if you prefer, email it to us. Happy writing!

Arranging a Marriage (Part 1)

Poojah, the shy daughter of our housekeeper Margaret looks to be heading for marriage these days. It's interesting to watch. Things are getting pretty serious. Now, serious doesn't quite mean the same thing as we are used to, they've never actually met or spoken a word to each other.

How to Arrange a Marriage

As many of you know, arranged marriage is pretty much the norm here in India. I am not an expert in this subject, so I might get some of the details of this wrong. Any of you out there who know better can correct me.

If any of you shy bachelors (or parents of shy bachelors) out there think this sounds like a great idea, here's the process you might follow:

1. When your parents decides it is time (for educated people in the cities, when the boy is about 27), the hunt begins. A girl's parents might start a bit earlier.

There are several methods for searching:

• Friends and family. Asking around to your friends in your "community" (which means caste) is a great way of finding a potential girl.
• Hire an agent to assist in the search. They will put together a profile for you, and come present profiles of girls to your parents. Most people I know are not really involved directly in this part, just their parents.
  
• Take out an ad in the newspaper. Be sure to include caste, religion, height, weight and occupation.
  
• Turn to the World Wide Web gods. There's lots of "matrimonial" sites out there, used by Indians all over the world. Here's a link to an example. Note the pull-down menu for first "religion," and then "community." Marrying within your caste is still the norm. For more, google "indian matrimonial."

2. The parents make contact with each other and begin discussions. Health, education, family background, weight, job or job prospects all play a part. Especially for the Hindus, an astrologer often gets involved to make sure that the horoscopes match up properly--your birthdate and time of birth are key here. One common Bollywood movie plot is that the astrologer predicts disaster for the couple, but they get married anyway because they are in love and disaster strikes after intermission. Or the bride or the groom lies about their birthday to avoid such doom, and then, sure enough, the doom comes anyway.

Often now, especially among educated families, the boy and girl will actually get to meet prior to the wedding. This is not always the case. These days there is everything between not meeting at all to having a cup of coffee to a supervised courtship.

3. There is a negotiation phase. The bride's family almost always agrees to pay for the cost of the party and often still provide a dowry. (I have told my wife's father that I am still waiting for mine.) We teach our young men in the Church that they should not ask for a dowry, but it still happens sometimes. One brother got a laptop computer, a Blackberry, and his parents got a bunch of other stuff.

The costs to the bride's family can be significant and many families save up their whole lives for their daughter's wedding. Imagine blowing about $250,000 on a party and you'd get the idea. Our driver, Anil, has a savings account he contributes to every month. His daughter is only 6 and he already has several hundred thousand rupees saved and hopes to have three times his yearly salary saved up by the time he marries her off. Merinda's working hard to convince him to encourage her to marry a returned missionary and use the money for her college, but old ways die hard.

The families negotiate about the size of the party, whether the groom rides a white horse or sits in a white car, what dances they will do, etc.

4. There is an engagement ceremony. It's more of a family affair and I've never been to one myself, so I don't know too much about it. The pictures I've seen show the families very nicely dressed with lots of fruits and rice being offered up to the gods of your choice.

5. Finally, there is the wedding! Indian marriages are a topic all on their own and I'll write about them one of these days.

Even in cases where people have a "love marriage" it often approximates more of a self-arranged marriage than the thing that we are used to where you date for a year or so, propose, etc... I've seen in the church where there is a young single adult conference and a boy will meet a girl from a similar background, have a few shy conversations, and then ask about marriage. At that point the boy will talk to his parents about it and the above arranged marriage process will get kicked off.

Pooja's Negotiation - Will he or won't he?

Margaret our cook has had several people inquire about Poojah's hand in marriage before. All have been vetoed by the family in various stages. Although Poojah is a little plump and very shy, she has boys lining up for her.

But last week they found the boy they think might be the one. This boy is from a family that Margaret's best friend knows back in their native city of Chennai. The eldest son recently got married, which clears the way for the younger one. Margaret doesn't know them directly, but a friend-of-a-friend isn't bad. The family has a good reputation and the boy has a good job.

They sent a VCD of the elder one's engagement party. She let us borrow it and we took a screen shot of Poojah's boy Thomas Raj:


Poojah said she likes him, so they are moving forward with the negotiations. Yesterday Margaret had an important conference call with the interested parties The good news is that the boy's family says they don't want a dowry...so far. Sometimes this crops up later.

There were many phone calls to Chennai back and forth on this before the subject of what she looks like cropped up. Poojah got dressed up and Merinda snapped the pictures below and sent them via e-mail this weekend:

Cute!

Healthy!

Great with kids! (Graham is not included in the deal)

They have agreed so far:

• The wedding will be in Delhi
  
• There will be about 30 guests coming from his side
  
• The wedding can be performed in our church. This will be the third wedding in India that I will have performed, and every time I feel really surreal about it, like "What the heck am I doing standing in the middle of New Delhi, India performing a marriage?!?"

Currently they are talking about the dance numbers they are going to do and some other details. The boy's father and brother are coming to Delhi next week to meet Poojah and the family and get a better feel for the situation. When Merinda asked why the boy himself wasn't coming, they said he was busy with work.

Next Sunday Margaret will go to Chennai to meet his family and check them out. When Merinda suggested Poojah go along too, Margaret said, "Why would I take her with me? She doesn't need to come."

The actual boy and girl currently have no plans to meet in person until their wedding day.

So will the negotiations continue to go smoothly? What will happen when the boy's father comes? Is this family from Chennai really all they are cracked up to be?

Stay tuned.

Ode to the Deep Freeze

Oh Deep Freeze
My friend
With delectable delights
To satisfy cravings
And homesickness fight

You help us stop bugs
From spoiling our meals
And chocolate from melting
In heat that's unreal

Ice cream, chocolate chips
Bacon, bananas
Tortilla mix, cake mix
Pecans from Grandma's

Otter Pops, Easter candy
Emergency Indian food
To feed local guests
Who find our food not so good

Craisins and raisins
Strawberry jam
Yeast and roast beast
From the meat man

And now that it's hot
You make ice for our water
Since it comes from the tap
Steaming hotter and hotter

But the generator is broken
And there's no electricity
So goodbye freezer contents
We barely ate thee.

Had a Prank Call Lately?

If you have had a prank call in the last few days, it was probably us. Our Skype phone is currently on strike. We dial numbers of people we love, it rings, picks up, and then silence--on both ends as far as we can tell. So if you've had a few mysterious phone calls, consider it a love call from us. Unfortunately, our technology doesn't want our voices heard at this point. This has happened before, and we think we just have to wait until the phone decides it likes us again. I hope it happens soon. We miss ya'll!

Hey, did you know that if you call us in Delhi on our home phone, instead of a ringing sound, you'll hear some cool ethnic Indian music? Gotta love it.

Designing Bridesmaid Necklaces for Kim's Wedding

Trying to find the perfect necklaces for Kim's wedding and this was the best way I could find to share ideas with the Cutler girls. Ignore this unless you're interested in the jewelry possibilities in India . . .

First, here's Marcia, our designer (and a great friend and superpowered woman). She's modeling the shortest length you can do without having to have a clasp (which increases the price).
She didn’t have anything that seemed just right, especially if we need the same thing for everyone. But we discussed different stones we thought could work and she’s willing to custom-make things for us if we want. She plans to make one this week to show us and then she can sell it to someone else if we don’t like it.

Here are photos of some of the stones she could use:



Here's some stones she has put together to make a necklace--not quite the right colors for us, I think, but it gives you an idea of the sort of thing she puts together to make a necklace.
And here's another necklace in the making:
Here's one that's already made. Note the v-neck shape. Do you like it? This style with the metal chain can only be done in China so it can't be custom-made for now. But she can make ones with a v-neck shape without the metal chains, just stones and pearls throughout.
Here's a really fun one with lots of strands of tiny freshwater pearls with stones mixed in. She can custom-make one like this for us. This one shown here is pricey--about $80, but if we do fewer strands and cheaper stones it could be closer to $25.
I really like this style with the different shapes and sizes and colors of stones all mixed together. She can custom-make ones like this, maybe with less yellow, more peach, and lighter greens.
Here's some peachy pearls we could get as long strands and twist them, knot the end in the front or use a clasp to make it two shorter strands.
Here's those peachy pearls twisted.
Here's some "smartie" peachy pearls.
Here's another one in the v-neck style that might look nice with a t-shirt. Probably too hot pink, but again the colors could be worked with if you like this style.

More peachy one with a slightly longer length and dark green stones in it.


Gotta love it that I'm wearing the shirt I think I inadvertently talked everyone out of for Amy's wedding. I promise I didn't plan it!
Now here Marcia and I started pulling stones and pearls together that could work for her mock-up. The green in the middle is a nice seafoam green. Some of the oblong and tear-shaped ones have the holes on one end of the stone so they stick out sort of like a Flintstone necklace. Fun look.
And here's some colored pearls we picked out that we could add as accents.


Unless we tell her otherwise, she’s going to make a medium-length necklace with some chunky stones in orange, peach pearls and some green and blue bits sprinkled in. If we tell her to she could do a longer v-neck style with the strand crossed on the bottom or something, which might look fun with a t-shirt. She thinks she can keep the cost around $25.

Some questions:

Do we want the same necklace for everyone, or different?
Or same general style but different lengths and/or sizes of stones and pearls?
Or same general colors but different styles and lengths?