Why I Love Living in India 2.0

We have now lived over two years in Delhi (not counting the 2-3 months per year that we flee it). We recently decided to stay until spring of 2010, and then we're out of here to Who-Knows-What-and-Where. Are we crazy?

Some days two more years in Delhi seems like eons; other days I feel panicked that I've barely wrapped my brain around it or seized all the opportunities to learn and grow. I made a list the first year we were here about what I love about Delhi, partly to talk myself into liking it. I've again been asking myself lately why we are staying in this place that often makes us want to tear our hair out, so it's time to try the list again:

1. I can wear pants to church! If you're Indian, dressing up for church means either wearing a sari (six yards of fabric wrapped around you with a halter-top blouse, unless you can convince a tailor to make it otherwise) or a salwar kameez (a long tunic top with pants that resemble MC Hammer pants from to 80's and a long scarf called a dupatta draped around your neck). I've recently gotten into wearing the salwar kameez gig, and it's fantastic! I can sit on the floor with kids without any worries about exposing myself, those Hammer pants are fantastically comfortable, and if I need to wipe up any kid emergencies, I've always got my dupatta handy. Add to that the delight and amusement of the members seeing me dressed like a native, and it's a win-win situation (this picture isn't me, by the way!).

And it's not just the pants. The flavor of Church is different here too. Since the Gospel is relatively new and there's a scarcity of people, resources, and time, we've learned what the essential elements of Church are. And we've gotten better about letting everything else go--no complicated visuals or handouts, choosing to do seminary but not mutual in our little branch, learning to accept that a hastily-prepared talk or lesson is okay when coupled with inspiration. Those are some lessons I really needed to learn.


2. Our new driver Anil. Having a driver seems like a grand idea, but it took us 11 tries to find someone that doesn't frustrate us more than help us (read more details than you ever wanted to know about the old drivers here). But now that we've finally found one we like, you can't beat the convenience of having someone to drive you around while you read stories to your kids in the back, to park you car, to clean your car, to pick up the dry cleaning, to take kids home after a youth activity so you can get home to your own kids, etc.

3. The Food. I love Indian food. Yummy. I love the fresh roti (flat breads), the raitha (yogurt relish), the curries (love that spicy tingly flavor on my lips), the paneer (fresh tofu-like cheese), the fresh lime sodas (sweet and salty is such a sensory delight), mangoes, lychee fruit, okra from our garden. Hungry yet? I love it that Rich and I can walk to the New Friends Community Centre on date night and choose from a dozen or more amazing and affordable restaurants with ambience--Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Italian, North Indian, South Indian, and McDonalds, Pizza Hut, and Dominoes if we miss America!

4. Our Garden and the Mali (Gardener).
Isn't this guy so Zen? In addition to the good karma I think his countenance brings our household, I love having a gardener that only costs $20/month and enjoying the fruits of a garden that I didn't have to slave over (or fail over, which was as was often the case in Texas with babies). Our grapefruit tree produced about 70 grapefruits this year, which turned out to be the Pulsipher adults' and kids' favorite daily breakfast habit. Delicious!

In the spring/summer we get to watch the wonder of our two banana trees producing bananas. First it's a huge purple bud (which in the South, they pull off and eat) which soon opens up to reveal little flowers that eventually turn into bananas. Amazing. Then the whole giant tree falls down and grows up again that tall in a year. Now our grapefruit tree has yummy fragrant blossoms and all over town there are these gorgeous orangey-red blossoms on a tree whose name I hope to learn (anyone know its name??). I also love to go down the street and buy a bunch of flowers for next to nothing and brighten up my house with their color and smell.

5. Margaret and Poojah.
These wonderful women help keep us sane and alive. Some days it's a real drag having Margaret and her daughter Poojah around ALL THE TIME, often just sitting in the kitchen, but really it's so nice to have someone else do most of the cleaning and cooking so I can focus on other stuff. And when the kids don't like the dinner that Margaret has made, at least I'm not the one who has slaved over something nobody wants to eat! I don't miss the cleaning AT ALL, but I do miss cooking lately, so I'm starting to do a bit more. Still you can't beat the consistency of dinner on the table every weeknight, even if you decide to spend the afternoon at the pool and come home hungry. I also love having Margaret babysit our kids every Friday night so we can go on a date even if we forgot to plan ahead and call a babysitter.


6. The People.
I meet so many interesting people from all over the world and all over India every day. Recently I spent a few hours with a friend of mine Serena, who is from Thailand but has a British mother and an Indian father. It was fascinating to hear her life story, to visit her home and see all her Buddhist religious shrines all over her house and taste and smell her yummy Thai food. I've met and formed friendships with people here from Australia, Korea, Romania, Holland, England, Finland, Japan, Spain, Germany, Israel, Scotland, New Zealand, Italy, Greece, Denmark, Canada, Egypt, etc. And so many have such interesting jobs with aid organizations or government jobs or media organizations. The downside of this international crowd is the transiency. The other day I looked through my contacts on my cell phone and discovered that about half of the contacts no longer live in India (and I've only had my phone for a year!). But I think the fact that we all know most of us aren't here for long, and the fact that many of us are in crisis mode, makes us become better friends faster. Hopefully that means I'll keep in touch with some of these friends long after we've all moved on. Above (center) is my good friend Lesley from Scotland who recently moved with her family (including Isaac's good friend Kara) to France. We miss them!


7. Musikgarten is a Hit!
A few years before we moved here I shifted from teaching piano lessons to teaching group music and movement classes to preschoolers. I was really excited about the curriculum I was learning to use, but I had a really hard time getting enough students to get my studio off the ground. Here in Delhi there is a shortage of such extracurricular activities for small children especially, and the word-of-mouth network is amazingly powerful, so I have no trouble getting students. In fact, my only problem is turning them away so I don't get too busy doing it. I now have 5 classes I teach on Wednesdays with a total of 30 students I teach in my home (so we still have no living room furniture). I really love teaching my own kids along with their classmates in three of those classes (though it's not always easy). I also love the opportunity it gives me to have in my home every week interesting people from all over the world I wouldn't meet otherwise and give them something that enriches their family's lives.


8. Church Makes Us Stretch.

Being a member of the Church in India has been wonderful for us. It has tested, and thereby strengthened, our testimonies. It has given us a crash course in so many callings and leadership experiences that we may not have had otherwise. It has taught us how to do the best we can with what we have, and not get stressed stress over mediocrity and simplicity. I'm now teaching Seminary (sort of like a Bible study class) to the youth/young adults and find it so rewarding and inspiring to teach the Gospel to new converts and potential converts and see it through their eyes. It's refreshing to teach a group so thirsty for truth. I am also the secretary of the Young Women's organization, and am learning to not get too upset when no other leaders show up and I have to wing it. I help in Primary unofficially off and on, and have really gained a testimony of how simply teaching the Primary music pretty much gets the whole Gospel message across, even to children who barely speak English.

Rich has learned buckets and loads of stuff through being a branch president, and I marvel at his stamina, diplomacy, and leadership as he fills this calling. And now some inspiring reflections from Rich on this topic:

I was feeling quite discouraged in my calling and about staying in India one Sunday when I heard a talk by President Taylor in District Conference. He started talking about pioneers, and having heard a thousand people come in and tell the local members what great pioneers they are before, I was expecting more of the same. But instead he chose to talk to us foreigners, saying "I honor you from overseas who have left your friends and your families and the comforts of home and have followed the Spirit of the Lord to be here. You are pioneers." It was always the local members who were supposed to be the pioneers, but it had never occurred to me before that we too could qualify for such distinction. It made me feel ready for another two years.

9. The Travel & Extended Family Time.
One of the cool bonuses of moving overseas with a big corporation is that they provide an allowance for us to travel home once a year. Because we live in a hardship country, we are also required to leave the country for a rest and relaxation trip for at least a week once a year, and that is mostly paid for. It's really nice to have a dedicated time each year when we just go home to America to spend good quality time with all of our loved ones (and stock up on peanut butter and children's medicines). We feel so blessed to have visited Mom and Dad Gurney twice in New Zealand--and this last time to have Brandon meet us there during our visit was blissfully happy. We've discovered that on our big trips halfway around the world that it helps with jet lag to stop somewhere in the middle and run around site-seeing for a few days. This ends up not increasing the airline ticket much, and we've loved our short trips to Copenhagen, Rome, and Bangkok. Add to that the weekend trips we can take in this amazing country, and we really count ourselves pretty blessed to live halfway around the world from our families.

10. Quiet Havens--Lodi Gardens, Tuglaqabad & Our Home (okay, not quiet, but a haven). Delhi is loud, dusty and smelly; but to know the sweet, you must taste the bitter. Once Rich and I were walking in a fairly residential area around 9 pm. He suggested we count how many seconds before we heard a horn honking (mind you, supposedly you aren't supposed to honk your horn in residential areas at night but instead use your lights to communicate). The highest we got in our counting was 6 seconds. On any given day, if you're paying attention, you will probably witness 5 men urinating on the side of the road nonchalantly. I find dust inside even tupperware containers at my house, stepping in cow manure is a common occurence, and if you get a cold it becomes your constant companion for a few weeks because the pollution is so bad.

Because of the oppressive nature of all of this, we keenly feel the contrast when we enter the havens of Lodi Gardens, Tughlaqabad, and our home. Lodi Gardens is a huge park with 4 tombs from the 16th century that Lady Willingdon decided to landscape into a beautiful garden when the Brits occupied Delhi. There are beautiful plants and trees, birds galore, and smooth sidewalks the kids can zoom along on their bikes and scooters. The tombs are gorgeous and though the park is often crowded with people, everybody is calm and happy there. And you can't hear horns honking or smell or see any garbage. Lovely.

Tughlaqabad is a huge abandoned city from the 12th century with enough greenery and hills and stone steps to climb that I can almost imagine that I am hiking in Zion National Park, my favorite childhood family vacation spot. It's one of the few places in Delhi where I feel a measure of solitude.

And lastly, I am so grateful for the haven that is our home. Thanks to the guard at the gate, the high walls that surround it, and the massive amounts of money Rich's company spent to ship our things here and buy us power backup and modern appliances, we can escape the sensory overload and confusion of Delhi in our comfortable home and take a deep breath before venturing out again.

11. Free Home Delivery.
Nearly everything from grocery stores to furniture shops to tailors to McDonald's make house calls and can deliver whatever you like right to your doorstep free of charge. Gotta love that. Especially if you can communicate your order successfully over the phone and get it delivered at the time it was promised!


12. The American Embassy School.
Among international schools, this one is rumored to be one of the best. We love it. There is such a nice sense of community there, the teachers are great, the facilities perfect. The population is diverse and you can't beat ice cream cones at lunch everyday! The picture above is Isaac's assistant KG teacher Ms. Jain with some of his classmates, including one of Isaac's best friends Alina, from Russia.

13. Pulsiphers!
If we did not live in India, we would not have the unique opportunity to host David and Dawn Pulsipher and their six kids for five months. Nor would we have had the chance to entertain other relatives who would not likely have come without the draw of David and Dawn & Co.--Aunt Nancy, Becca & Nathan, the Harmers, Dawn's sister and her nephew. David and Dawn have always been some of our favorite and most-admired cousins, so we were thrilled that Delhi is difficult enough to navigate and housing so expensive that we could have the honor of sharing our house with them.

It is delightful to share our Indian world and discuss it with these very academic, reflective, and Christlike relatives (and we're not just talking about the adults--Andrew, Elizabeth, Jonathan, Michael and Grace are fun to share reactions with as well). While they've been here the count on our little Mormon Utopia Compound has been 24! Definitely a full house. Our children have formed lasting friendships with all of them, and we will forevermore think of the Pulsiphers more like siblings than cousins.

Before they came, I felt in a funk of sorts (no pun intended, though the feeling is characteristically "Funky")--not sure of my place and purpose in India, yet terrified to think about going home to America where there's so many unknowns. Their arrival came at a perfect time, and having them in our home has made me feel more connected to America and family than I've felt in a while. There's nothing like hot breakfasts and real syrup every morning, and scene-by-scene re-creations of Star Wars movies to get us back in touch with our homeland! I'm not sure if we would have decided to stay if we had not enjoyed this grounding visit from our cousins--for better or for worse! Dawn especially has been such a great friend and example to me. She has been endlessly tolerant of my chaotic life and mind and so gently taught me so many things about leadership, motherhood, homemaking, routine and tact. I'm dreading their departure in two weeks, but we plan to visit them in Rexburg soon!

14. Never a Dull Day. Nearly every day yields an interesting story, even if being the main character in the story was horribly frustrating or confusing or maddening! And lucky you, you get to read the stories and see from afar how the Cutler characters are faring in this weird world.

I just re-read my list from 2006, and it's pretty much the same, just more fleshed-out now (and long-winded). It's good to remind myself why living here is a good idea for the moment. Thanks for reading if you got this far. Now book your ticket to come visit this fall/winter to give us another boost when we'll surely need it. Frequent flyer miles are available for your use if you promise to bring us peanut butter and chocolate chips!

Victory on the Food Homefront

Attention!

We interrupt these travelogues to announce an important breakthrough in our long battle to get our kids to eat foods outside of the 5-10 items they have decided they like, few of which include fruits, vegetable, protein, or FLAVOR!

Like lots of things in life and parenting, the key was in going back to what my parents did and just copying it. I've told my kids several times that my parents used to make me sit at the table until I finished my dinner. I hated it, and by the time I ate it, it was cold and yucky, but I ate it.

When we had a new family in our branch over for dinner Sunday and I watched the mom Bobette do the same thing with her kids and it worked, it occurred to me that maybe this isn't an outdated cruel and unusual approach to the problem after all. As Margaret said a few months ago, "You know what the problem is, madam? You need to force them."

So on Monday night with Rich there to back me up I declared a new Cutler Family Rule. You eat what's on your plate or you stay at the table all night. It was ugly. Weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. But after about 30 minutes, Isaac ate the dill vegetable salad, white beans with garlic, fennel & rosemary, and garlic bread. I think he secretly even liked it. I must have said fifty times, "I'm not asking you to like it. I'm just asking you to eat it." After about an hour and even more crying and pleading (from parents and child) and even a little mercy ("I'll take a big bite if you will"), Russell finally ate his too. Miraculous!

The bad news is that later that night when we went upstairs to bed where the kids were already asleep, I smelled the all-too-familiar-these-days smell of vomit. I went in the boys' room and searched everyone's bed and found Isaac lying in a huge puddle of vomit. Yuck! Was it eating all that food he hadn't eaten in years? Luckily in the morning he concluded that it was the cookie dough he ate yesterday when I warned him if he ate it it might make him sick. Phew! Turned out to be passing, which was a relief since he just got over a nasty stomach bug.

Tonight the kids were surprised that I hadn't forgot about the new family rule and the menu was even less kid-tempting. Lots of yummy Indian food, all of which I don't even know the names for, but spicy pinto beans, fried okra (the Texas part!), an Indian fritter of sorts and white rice ended up on their plates. Again, weeping and wailing, but not quite so much! I didn't have Rich to back me up this time, but I did my best to be cheerful and kind about the whole thing, and sure enough, they both cleaned their plates in the end (after 1.5 hours for Russell!). This time, Isaac even admitted that he actually liked everything he ate "but not too much." And Russell said, "I'm starting to like spicy food."

Victory! Those of you who were lucky enough to spend large parts of your summer with us know that this issue of horribly picky eaters in our family has been a great source of stress for us. This is probably what everyone thought of as the solution as they saw us struggle but were afraid to be too bossy or nosy. You should have said something! Anyway, I've been praying for help with this issue, and my prayers have definitely been answered.


In a week or so I'm going to serve Isaac some fruit at dinner and see if we can have another miraculous breakthrough for our fruit-phobic cherub. Once I tried bribing him to eat a strawberry and he tried as best he could but he gagged every time he tried to chew and swallow it!

Stuck in the Delhi Airport

Here's the kids zonked out at 3:30 am when we finally arrived home to our house in Delhi, instead of America as we had hoped. Long story short is that we couldn't get on our plane because the weather was too hot for them to fly a full plane. We tried all sorts of options on for size in various lines and with various airlines from 8:45 pm to 2:45 am, but in the end we got tickets for the next night and went home to rest. We went home and slept till late morning, and then Rich took the kids swimming while I cleaned up and organized everything I hadn't had enough time to do before I thought we were leaving. Then we took a big nap and I went and got a manicure and pedicure (my fourth one in lifetime, and they've all been in India!) and then we tried again. Here's the boys in Target shortly after we finally arrived in America. Grandma took us to Target and we hardly knew what to do with ourselves with all those choices and carts and places to run around.

If you ever get stuck in the Delhi International Airport in the middle of the night, take a look at the big poster of the yoga lady doing yoga poses with the mountains as a backdrop (I intend to see some mountains in India someday soon . . .) and try to think calm thoughts. And then be sure that you bring some hilarious, enthusiastic, focused kids along to try out these yoga poses. Totally not my idea, but in around the second hour of standing in line past bedtime in the airport (around the time "I'm flying on an airplane to America and I'm gonna bring . . ." got boring), I turned around to see them trying out this pose. It took me a little while to figure out what they were doing!

Poor Graham was weirded out by the whole thing. Amazingly, he stayed awake almost the whole time while we stood in line, moved from line to line, talked to a ton of people who blew us off, got a flight through London and then couldn't get on because we didn't have some form that certified that I was crazy enough to fly alone with three small children! Mommy did more than her fair share of yelling, but by the end of the night, it was pretty hilarious, even to me.

Here's Isaac gallantly pulling the luggage cart loaded with three suitcases, three car seats, and three carry-on bags. By the end of the night around 2:30 am when we finally got tickets for the next night and headed home, he said, "Why don't things ever turn out the way we plan?"

Here's some of the 70 or so people who weren't able to board the flight to America because it was too hot to get everyone up and have enough fuel to get there. There were some very sad people who couldn't make their Disney vacations and get to work as planned. Next time I will listen to my husband and be the first one in line when I fly to America again!

Last Day of School

Isaac's teacher Mrs. Jain who is moving to American this summer, so we probably won't see her again. Jae Hyeok, Alina & Ye Ju.

Here's our latest and greatest new friends the Jordans. Chase, Michelle & Bryce. They moved to Delhi from SLC in February and are only staying until November, but we sure love them! Chase and Russell are best buddies, and Bryce thinks Isaac is the greatest. This is a photo from their birthday party. The monkey man came!

Sister Pritchett left India. So sad. We will truly miss her and her family at church. They did SO much for us and our kids to help us adjust to our new lives in India. Hopefully our paths will cross again somewhere.

Isaac will miss Mrs. Lemley so much. He gave her a big hug and told her with all of his heart how much he would miss this great KG teacher.

Graham sitting in the big chairs at Busy Bees next to Ellen and Ellie.

Russell wearing his cool look next to his favorite friend Ellen and Rose.

Spider Man riding his scooter down the tree-lined quiet lane at the British High Commission. Perhaps the thing we'll miss the most about Busy Bees.

Hamilton Temple & Hong Kong

Hamilton New Zealand Temple

Graham just barely learned to walk on his own while we were away on the South Island.
Graham and Grandpa chowing down on a leg of lamb together.
The Zoo
Me in that horrible frenzied state of packing up after a long vacation and dreading the inevitable goodbye to loved ones. Yes, it's great to travel the world. But dealing with all the stuff and goodbyes isn't always fun.Superdad Rich at the airport with his buddy.
Atop the Victoria Peak in Hong Kong on our layover on the way home.
The view was spectacular. This is a place I'd like to come back and visit!
Jet lag starts to set in on the tram down the Peak.
Graham enjoying a good meal at the Hong Kong Airport. Russell asleep in the background.

Isaac's 6th Birthday Party (23 September 2006--Better Late Than Never!)

The balloon man. He showed up a few hours before the party and blew up 200 or so balloons FAST with no special tools but his own mouth and CO2. Russell was mesmerized and then the two became great friends.
The balloon man stayed and did balloon sculptures. This is Hiroya (from Japan) and Yeryeon (from Korea) who are both in Isaac's KG class.
Mariam, Isaac's best friend in his ECEC4 class last year.Janya, one of Isaac's newest friends in his KG class this year.
Tom, his oldest and best friend. He's from Australia, but more recently from China, so Isaac often tells people his best friend is Chinese!
Russell hugging his best friend Ellie Joyce (Tom's sister).
Isaac the Birthday Boy wearing a crown he made for himself during "choices time" at school.What was supposed to be a rocket party (a repeat from last year, since, as Isaac said, "I don't have any of the same friends this year, so they won't mind!") evolved into a balloon party when Rich threw down the "rocket" balloons from the roof, filled with a bit of dal (lentils).
The view from the roof of the party as it was warming up . . .Margaret, our housekeeper, and her daughter who helps her Poojah helped to make all of this happen.Margaret and Poojah quietly cleaned up most of the party as we were socializing with lingering guests. We could definitely get used to some of these perks of living in a third-world country!
Playing musical chairs using foam squares.
Russell covered in cocoa after helping make the frosting for the birthday cake!
Graham getting spoiled again by Margaret while Mommy was in the midst of decorating the cake ("Don't worry Mommy," said Isaac, "I'm sure it will look exactly like the one Grandma did!" A tall order . . .)
After much stress, the cake didn't turn out all that bad. As requested, it did look pretty much like last year's cake.Isaac, on the other hand, seems like a completely different boy from last year. So much bigger and wiser and more confident. I love this photo because you can see on his face how very special he felt, but he was trying to maintain a "cool" look on his face despite the urge to grin. So grown up!

The birthday boy and his proud parents (with a dad who is the birthday dad extraordinaire!)
Graham-bam loves to pose for the camera!!
Playing with the spoils from the party afterwards . . . a Hot Wheels set from Tom!