Merry Christmas!

So it's been a few years since we did a Christmas letter. Thus far, we have only sent a Christmas letter when we have a new baby to introduce. Christmas is here, but still no babies or Christmas cards in the mail from us. But if we had sent out a Christmas letter, this is what it would have said . . .

2009 was our first complete year living in the United States of America. We've been here so long that my passport expired six months ago and I didn't even notice! Public school and constant running water aren't so bad after all, but we miss our friends in Delhi and hope to get back there for a visit very soon.

We've been to 5 funerals in the past year, for both friends and family. Rich's mother passed away last year on December 14th after a long battle with breast cancer. We miss her more that we can say, but are grateful for the knowledge that we will see her again someday. Rich's grandfather, his mother's father, passed away a few weeks ago on December 9th. We were so blessed to have been able to spend some time with him before his death and connect with all the relatives we did at the funeral.

Rich has become quite the orator this year, with all the heartfelt church and funeral talks he's given. I think if we were members of a church with a paid clergy, he could be making some good money as a preacher. Instead, he has pounded a lot of nails renovating an attic, designing and building a giant deck and a rebuilding a fence. Though he's not quite finished with any of these projects (but almost!), he's let off a lot of steam, and had the lucky chance to work alongside his boys, relatives and willing friends. He flew the coop at Freescale a few months ago, and is now working for a tiny startup with big plans, some of which are top secret. . . .

Our boys showed up in "Friends in the News" in The Friend magazine in December along with other primary children of the New Delhi 1st Branch. Check it out!

Russell (6) lost his two front teeth, but Santa is hard at work growing him some new ones. Nearly all of his six-odd lost teeth have popped out while wrestling with his brothers. He loves to do jobs without Mom even asking, and playing make-believe with his little brother Graham. The magical world of reading has opened up for him this year, and it's so fun to see him delight in his new-found abilities. Lately he begs to jog to school over riding his bike. When I consent, I end up huffing and puffing alongside him because he's so fast!

Graham (4) enjoys ordering his mother around and waiting until the last minute to run to the potty. He's been going to Boy School (a co-op preschool) this year with four other wild and crazy boys, and has learned much. Our boy who used to insist his name was Graham Masala has now morphed into Super G, thanks to an awesome cape Aunt Nelee made for him. He's started riding his bike alongside his jogging family to school. His bike-riding pace just about exactly matches my slow jogging/walking pace. He has a twinkly grin and a happy giggle that can melt even the coldest heart.

Isaac (9) got glasses this year, which seems to be cool these days. He has built several things with a micro-controller, including some lights on a submarine model for school and an RFID device to make our Christmas tree light up when you walk by. He loves helping Daddy with all things technical, helping me cook things, and is a master at cheering me up when I need it. He loves the new deck and spends hours swinging on the swing, often with his nose in a Hardy Boys or Magic Treehouse book.

I have spent the year dabbling in food storage, music teaching, gardening, PTA, family history, sewing, Gospel Doctrine, blogging and exercising. I'm sporadic and unfinished with most projects, but they give me an excuse to avoid dishes and laundry. I've decided my approach to life makes me a Renaissance woman, which sounds much more romantic than a domestic engineer.

We celebrated our tenth anniversary last week. It's been a great ten years, full of all sorts of surprises, tragedies and delights. Yet all of these things—the good, the bad, and the ugly—have somehow worked together for our good. We are thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows our every need and leads us every day. May your year be filled with hope, family and good, growing things. We love and miss ya'll.

Love,

The Cutlers

Split Personality

I have a confession. I've been blogging somewhere else.

I'm Mindy and Merinda. Part of me wishes I still lived in India, but now I live in America. And I blog here and here.

Goodbye Corporate America

Some things just don't make sense . . .

1. Quitting a high-paying (albeit boring) corporate job you are good at, before they get a chance to lay you off and give you a severance package.
2. Buying a new iPhone and a new (used) car just before leaving said high-paying corporate job.
3. Starting a new job with a huge cut in salary at a tiny startup software company before actually leaving the first job.
4. Loving your new job at said startup, even though most of your co-workers work with the lights off (one of them has a really long goatee and calls his tattooed self "Cookie"), and your office sits behind a gas station and looks like a cheap motel.
5. Loving your new office space even though it's missing carpet, came with a mysterious kid-sized jacket hung on the wall, and only had furniture when you bought it at IKEA and put it together yourself.
6. Working for said software company even though your ultimate goal is to do hardware, and not for iPhones, but in telemedicine.

Some things just feel right and feel happy, okay? Especially when you are newly thirty-five years old, charmed, charming, and gorgeous.

Rich officially quit his job at Freescale Semiconductor after working there for 9.5 years--the only job since he got out of college. He stuck around until Monday to lay off seven of the guys on his team, and now works for InMotion Software, which has about 8 employees. The owner of this company is working with Rich to help him get his telemedicine ideas off the ground. In exchange, Rich is helping him do some work with iPhone apps and hardware.

And in the end, we got the severance package and health insurance for a while. Amazing how many blessings are showered on us so often.

So wahoo! We've cut the apron strings and are now masters of our own destiny. And speaking of destiny, this opportunity with InMotion came through a temple prep class we taught at church, and the deal was sealed the week of a stake fast for rain and employment. Divine destiny, I'd say.

Happy Birthday, Rich! I didn't really like actually being rich anyway . . . I'd much rather have the man himself, and have him happy at work.

Me Estoy Desmayando

That's my Spanish word-of-the-day. Desmayarse=to faint.

I came home from a great, short trip to Utah with Graham. It was just nippy enough there to be cozy, the leaves are flaming reds and oranges, and there's lots of wonderful family and friends, a new baby named William, and temples all over.

When I came home today to a spotless house, I almost fainted with joy. Rich hung the mirror in our bedroom, folded and put away all the whites I'd washed before I left, and finished a big chunk of the deck. All while nursing Isaac who had a 24-hour flu. He's the greatest.

But I wasn't home for long before I started feeling crappy. Hot and sticky. Grumpy. Like I was going to faint. Why in the world people chose to settle in hot places, I never can understand. I also likely felt this way because I had been up since 4 am to catch our flight home. So I took a nap while the boys played outside (never good sleeping), and woke up sweating like crazy. I finally went downstairs and looked at the thermostat. 83 degrees and the heater was on! I remembered then that Rich had said it got cold enough over the weekend that he had to turn the heat on. And had not turned it off, apparently. Amazingly enough, five minutes later, with cool air blowing on me and the temp at only 2 degrees cooler (81!), life looks much better in Austin.

But I still sorta want to move back to Utah. Sorta.

The Death of a Delusion

Rich bought this car today. We are now a two-car family again. And I'm in mourning.

Yeah, it will be dreamy to have a car to myself, and not have to negotiate daily about who gets the car. But this luxury means the death of a dream/delusion.

You see, when we had one car, we were different. We were making a statement that the American Dream does not need to include two gas guzzling cars. We were hippies and nonconformists (or so we thought). We have bikes, and we can pedal our way all over the place. Never mind that this is Texas suburbia, which isn't all that bike-friendly. We find our own safe (circuitous) ways to get places. In theory, I can get everywhere I need to go on my bike--school, library, grocery store (never actually tried it . . .), doctor, dentist, church, Sonic (fast food carries less guilt when you burn calories to get there!).

Not to mention, the buff body of my true love, who was riding 22 miles round trip to work a few times each week. I love the concept of getting exercise outside without having to schedule it into my day or get a babysitter while I do it. Being a one-car family meant that not only did we save the money that second car would cost, but also the money we might spend on a gym membership, since we get our exercise by actually using our energy to get places. I love it that when we go out the door to go somewhere, Graham heads for the bike first, not the car.

Pride you say? Well yeah, I guess you could call it that. And lack of discipline. Both are vices.

So after much discussion over some recent life-changes (more on this later), I gave into the idea that this car is pretty much a necessity. Though only two families in our branch in India even owned a car, we need two. Though I can get most everywhere I need to go on my bike, a car in the driveway "just in case" is wise. We can serve better and carpool better this way. We can stop the marital discord that negotiating over the car can cause. We can stop relying on friends and family to bail us out when our one-car world is too small. Rich can be more successful at work with a car to get him there. We might actually guzzle less gas because I won't be dropping Rich off at work or picking him up on rainy days or late days. The disappointingly pragmatic list goes on . . .

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. We live in (suburban) America now, so after almost 1.5 years living here again, we should probably act like we're part of it. Will I continue to ride my bicycle as many places and leave that minivan in the driveway? We'll see. I hope so.

Can you hear me singing that Queen song?

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike!

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like!

Who Makes Sure You Get All the Way to Heaven?

Graham: "Who makes sure you get all the way to heaven?"

Me: "I don't know. Maybe the angels?"

Graham: "No, who really does it. You know. You always know every-fing."

Me: "When did I start knowing everything?"

Graham: "Today you know everything."

At this point I wonder if he's thinking about Poojah who died 366 days ago. (And I forgot to call yesterday on the super-important ritual anniversary day.)

Me: "Do you remember Poojah?"

Graham: "Yes. Poojah died. . . . What's Poojah's front name?"

Me: "Poojah."

Graham: "What's Poojah's back name?"

Me: "Sunderaj."

Graham: "No, her back name is Cutler. Poojah Cutler."

Me: "Maybe her back name should be Cutler, because she feels like part of our family."

Graham: "Yes. That's right. Margaret Cutler and Poojah Cutler."

Gurney Reunion, June 2009

Good times as always, in Utah. Mom and Dad's new house in Lehi is gorgeous--right on the Jordan River with a walking trail and swimming pool across the street, not to mention the daring and contemporary decorating. It was fun to see all my crazy siblings and their cool spouses and for cousins to bond (Russell and Polly had an especially good time dressing up silly together). And as an added bonus, we got to see Aunt Kimmy and Uncle Scott who are growing a baby boy, and Grandma Funk who retains her spunk and "vision" despite her advancing years and near-blindness. Our Pulsipher cousins also came for a visit from Idaho for a day--so wonderful for all of us (minus Dave) to re-connect with our near-siblings. It's times like these I wonder why we don't move to Utah. But we like Texas too.

Just This Morning

IMG_6412, originally uploaded by merindarich.

While I was dragging myself and the kids out of the house to ride our bikes to the library, Mom woke up in Utah feeling breathless. After a shower and a trip to the store, Dad measured her pulse at 120. They rushed her to the hospital thinking she was having a heart attack. It's not a heart attack, they say, but four clots in her lungs. Clots that if they'd been in a larger artery could have taken her from this world.

As I was scrolling through my contacts on my cell phone to call Dad again today to see how Mom is doing, I scrolled past Claudia's number. I still can't delete her number after almost seven months. Losing two mothers in one year would just be more than I could handle. Life is too fragile and I live too far away from my mother. And all I can do for now is useless things like blog and do dishes and plan vacations and wait. It's a cold, hard world.

Scout Day Camp & Butterflies

We skipped swim team practice one morning to watch a butterfly emerge from his chrysalis and fly away. 

Amazing.

Isaac went to Cub Scout Day Camp for a week and I got to join him for one day. Hot, hot, hot!

Nathan, Joseph, Isaac, Kaleb & Keaton

Isaac made it to the top of the climbing wall the next day when he tried again!

"Lord of the Flies" came to mind as I was snapping this one . . .

Kaleb & Isaac have been friends since they were little guys.

Soaking Up Summer

Summer is here in full swing! This is our first summer break in America since pre-India we didn't have kids in school. During-India, we spent a big chunk of summer break in America and other countries living out of suitcases. The lazy days that come with summer at home are a welcome change of pace.

We had another fun party in our new backyard saying goodbye to some old friends Jeff and Catherine (moving to Dallas) along with other old friends: Cheri, Courtney, & Camea.

I am mostly surviving the record-high three-digit temps and the 3-year-old tantrums that ensue almost daily, along with the ongoing potty-training (gotta love those candids taken by the kids . . . painfully real!).

Graham: "I want the biggest plate in the WORLD all full of spaghetti, no ALL full of spaghetti. With the biggest spoon in the WORLD. Hmph."

School ended. A giant thanks to Mrs. Mask who loved my boy Isaac in all of his brilliance and opinions (doesn't she look a little excited for summer?).

Isaac has grown so much in confidence and ability this year. 

And to Mrs. Caudle who gave Russell the structure and nurturing he needed to blossom academically and socially this year, whilst having a baby too! (sorry, no photo of her at this point).

We went with the Howards for their temple ordinances. We taught Tiffanie and Brian in our temple prep class, and felt so blessed to be a part of this happy time in their lives. 

Rich got to watch their baby Lily while they received their endowments, and we were in Salt Lake when they were sealed to each other and to their two children a few weeks later. They are a amazing.

We did a music celebration at the Sagebrook Health Care Center. 

Isaac dressed up as three different characters so he could play more songs.

Russell brought his usual energy to his playing and dancing. . . .

 . . . check him out doing a big Bangalore jump with his scarf on the left side of this photo!
And that's all for now, folks!

That's My Kid!

In the last month I've entered the realm of being an American "soccer mom," and I must say I'm exhausted. We are doing swim team for two hours every single weekday--one hour for Isaac, 45 minutes for Russell--while Graham and I watch in the heat with all the other moms. Meets start at 6 am EVERY Saturday and end around 1 pm. The swim team pretty much owns us, and I'm ashamed to say I mostly signed up because everyone else was doing it. Though I often make it a point to do the opposite of the status quo, this time I caved. We do usually ride bikes to the pool instead of the mini van, and I do my very best to not get too competitive about the whole thing, but I can't escape the fact that I have become the soccer mom. We've eaten our quota of hot dog dinners on-the-run for the next century. My house stays cleaner because we're never in it. I sit around with all the other moms and discuss sales at the store and how we get our kids to do work. I now understand why the soccer mom stereotype includes SUV's, Clorox wipes, fast food, and junk food snacks.

But don't you just love how happy Isaac looks in these photos? No photos of Russell yet (I'll have to nudge the photographer when Russell swims in the next meet), but they are both doing really well. They wanted to do swim team so they could earn the ribbons, and they have earned some. But they seem to be getting what the coach calls the "intrinsic motivation" to do their personal best apart from any competitive inclinations. Russell, who hasn't had many swim lessons in his short life, struggled a bit at first. There were tears and pleas to quit, but we stuck with it. Our friend Cheri gave Russell one private lesson on Monday, and in two days he improved so much that one of the coaches told us she thinks he's ready to move up to the next group. Even more exciting is seeing how happy he is knowing he's improved, and how much he enjoys working hard every day to get better.

My boys. Turning out all right, I guess, DESPITE all of my failings. Tender mercies.

Nostalgic for Indian Food & Friends

The Sunderaj Family at Lakshmi's baptism: Vanita (adopted), Poojah, Margaret, Lakshmi, Shiva, Sunderaj

Yesterday the missionaries came over and I made Indian food for dinner to give them something to write home about--murgh makhani (butter chicken), aloo gobi (potato cauliflower curry), yellow daal (lentils), garlic naan bread, cucumber raitha, and basmati rice. Graham, Rich and I were happy. Russell said, "I don't like this naan. I like the kind of naan we used to have in India." I think he meant chapatis, and I'd love to make them like Margaret & Poojah did, but I'm not there yet. It took me the better part of the day to cook it all, but I enjoyed the luxury of having the time to do it, remembering some of my favorite people--the Sunderaj family--along the way. I appreciate them now a little more now that I'm doing all this on my own.

The weather report for Delhi today says 102 degrees and "blowing dust." Some things I just won't ever miss!

On Lying in Bed and Naming Things

Good news: I didn't die. I've regained the use of my hands and legs and gotten back to work. It's been ages since I've laid in bed all day and read a book . . . I read The Book Thief, and loved it. It had the same quality as The Invisible Wall with all its hopefulness in a small community during a war, but was better written, with lovable, colorful characters and the intriguing narrator--Death. "I am haunted by humans," Death says. Ooh. He's haunted by us because despite it all, so many of us never give up hope, and we cling to each other's stories to borrow hope that may be lacking in our own stories.

My inspired visiting teacher diagnosed my illness: Fifth Disease. It's a childhood disease nicknamed "Slapped Cheek Syndrome" that can almost go unnoticed in children except for the tell-tale rash on the face. In adults it makes you feel like you have arthritis and a whole-body allergic reaction. Bingo. Graham had it first (I realize now in retrospect) and it's been going around the neighborhood.

Why is it that I feel so much better having a name and general description for my sickness? I guess I'm like that with most things. Just tell me what I'm up against, and I can make myself ready for the task. Give me a problem with no name or end in sight, and I fall apart. I guess giving something a name feels good because it implies that another person in the world shares the experience of whatever it is with you. I imagine Adam and Eve felt much better once they gave names to all the beautiful things around them in the Garden of Eden, so they could talk about them together. I also imagine one of the first orders of business when they were cast out of the Garden was naming the weeds. Once they had names, maybe they didn't seem so daunting.

And speaking of weeds . . . we have a lot of them. And dirty laundry, cluttered spaces, and a party to prepare for tomorrow at our house. So I better stop blogging and get to work. Too bad you can't get Fifth Disease twice. I'd take more Tylenol and enjoy my book more next time around.

Dengue Doom Remembered

Just in time for another holiday (last time it was Diwali, now it's Memorial Day), I seem to be suffering from a strange illness, that to me feels creepily like the final symptoms of the dengue fever I contracted almost three years ago. "Can you have a dengue relapse?" my mother asked. "It seems you have a bacterial infection, but I can't identify what it is, and maybe an unrelated allergic reaction on top of that" said the weekend, not-very-helpful doctor when we skipped church to see if I was going to die. Swollen, red, itchy skin. Pain in my joints--hands, wrists, shoulders, neck, knees. Tired.

Am I making this up? Even worse than being sick in my book, is being indefinably so. Like when I tore the growth plate on my pelvis as a teenager dancing in the Miss Sandy pageant (I was not a competitor, just part of the scenery, I assure you). I collapsed to the floor of the stage and my parents had to be called out of the audience and I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. Very embarrassing. After a round of testing, they told me there was nothing wrong with me, and I should go home. I tried to stand up and hyperventilated from the pain. I think it was after that they realized I actually did have something wrong with me and we all felt much better.

But whatever is wrong with me, this weekend has given me a clearer view of what getting old must feel like. Crappy. Barely able to walk down stairs, or open the medicine bottle, get out of a chair without wincing, or pick up a baby. At least I don't have a fever this time and am conscious of the days passing. And Tylenol seems to help. I'm just hoping that being in your 30s is not old enough to contract arthritis. And if it is, I'm hoping I contract something terminal too, since waking up this way for the next 50 or 60 years doesn't sound like a bowl of cherries.

Remembering Paula

I knew Paula for a small slice of her life, what turned out to be the final slice. She passed away October 19, 2007 while we were in India. I wish I had known her sooner. But though we walked together on this earth for a brief few years, her affect on my life will be eternal.

Written October 20, 2007

I think I first met Paula when she came to my house for a homemaking project we were doing with some ladies from church. I think we were making bath salts. She was so excited about what we were doing, and stayed late making her creations just right and chatting with all the women there. I remember her raving about the refreshments I’d served and scribbling down the recipes on scraps of paper she pulled from her purse.

I remember walking out with her to the driveway that day and her exclaiming about how beautiful my overgrown garden was. She loved the purple Wandering Jew pIant that grew like a weed and I couldn’t get rid of. I broke off a piece and told her to plant it in her garden and watch it grow like a weed for her. She did, and many months later I remember her showing me the results with delight. I felt a little cheated at that point, like I’d missed the joy of Wandering Jew, while all along Paula had been relishing it. Then I felt grateful to Paula for helping me appreciate and see the beauty in what was already there in my life. Paula always helped me see more beauty and nobility in the simple things of my life, in the world around me.

Thus began a short but meaningful relationship between us. I was assigned to be Paula’s visiting teacher with Rebecca. Rebecca and Paula were both animal lovers and Paula once brought out her pet tarantula spider for Rebecca to hold. Yikes! Paula loved all animals and treated them with such respect and reverence, like they were truly her friends. We had a pet duck while we lived in Leander named Martha. When we went on vacation, we couldn’t figure out who would be willing to babysit our needy duck. When we asked Paula, she was more than willing to do it. We left Martha with Paula several times, and she loved her like a grandchild. She took pictures of Martha and delighted in her splashing in the water or eating lettuce. I remember her showing us one of the photos she took, saying, “Look, she’s smiling!” We couldn’t see it, but I think Paula definitely could. She loved all living things, truly appreciating and empathizing with all of God’s creations.

Paula always made me feel like I was making her day by visiting her or giving her a ride, but it was she who brightened my day. Paula was nearly old enough to be my mother, and I felt like I could always talk to her that way, or perhaps even more comfortably because I knew she wouldn’t pass judgment or try to solve my problems for me. She would just listen. I had plenty of friends in Leander my own age with toddler and preschool children like mine, but I loved spending time with Paula, perhaps because she was so unlike me. So much older, so much wiser, so open and loving and forgiving. She had perspective, and as she would tell me stories about herself as a young mother and wife, the mistakes and successes she had, I learned so much about what matters and what doesn’t.

Once she asked me to come over and help her go through her clothes and clean out her closet. I got a babysitter for my kids and spent a wonderful afternoon with Paula seeing the many facets of her life kaleidoscope before me in her clothes. Every dress, every blouse had a story. This one Ted had bought her, so she could never get rid of it. This one she had bought from the Goodwill and had intended to make over into something different. This one she had worn to a special government event when Ted was a judge. This one she had worn to work. Some were flamboyant, some were practical. We tried clothes on, and she gave me a few that I oohed and aahed over. She didn’t get rid of too many clothes that day, but I got to know more about this woman I loved and admired and we spent a beautiful afternoon together sharing pieces of ourselves, rediscovering ourselves.

I loved Paula’s hair—gorgeous curly blonde hair. I have naturally curly hair too, but I could never get mine to look like that. Once I remember asking her how she made it look the way it did. She said with a laugh that she just never washed it! Bingo. I tried washing mine less often too, and it did a similar trick, but never quite the quirky curliness that Paula had.

I loved Paula’s purse. There were always all sorts of things in her purse, and she was constantly searching for her glasses or fishing out a scrap of paper or an old receipt to jot down a new idea, a recipe, or a quote she had heard. She was always interested in everything and everybody, always eager to learn something new and improve herself.

She had so many talents. I still have a beautiful beaded bookmark she made me, and I remember many beautiful items all over her house she had crafted herself. I watched her several times whip up a meat-and-potatoes dinner for her family, including the athletic, hungry Daniel, in no time. She could make houseplants grow like nobody I’d ever seen, I think perhaps because she talked to them! She was generous almost to a fault and was always willing to give of herself to everyone.

She was fiercely loyal to her children, and I always admired how she treated them like adults. She listened to everything they said and responded to them in a thoughtful, respectful manner. When I brought my three preschool and toddler boys to her house, she was always so attentive to them, always careful to keep them safe, and always willing to listen to and delight in their endless questions and stories. She was reflective about her children and mine, taking time to think about and articulate their special gifts and do what she could to help develop them.

Paula had the faith of a child, the heart of a child. She believed in God without a doubt and had a calm assurance about her when she faced trials because she knew that God was with her and would make it all okay in the end. She could see the small miracles in her life. When she prayed for something, she fully believed she would receive an answer, and then she would notice the answer come and share how in God’s own merciful way and time her prayer had been answered. We all pray for things, but how many of us take the time to wait for and notice the answers? She had her share of troubles and heartaches in her family and with her mortal body, maybe even more than her fair share, but she held on with all of her might to her eternal family. I love and admire her for that.

The last time I saw Paula was this summer when I came back to visit Leander. We had a girls’ night out at the local Mexican restaurant and we stayed up into the wee hours of the morning in the parking lot talking. Paula was excited about her new job as a pharmacist and talked with pride about Daniel’s scholarship, Echo’s passage into adulthood with a boyfriend and a job, Jackson’s hard work at school, and Ted’s success at work. She was eager to hear about my adventures away from Leander and I felt so embraced in her love and support after my long absence.

Paula had a great dry sense of humor that would sometimes catch me off guard. But she also had a nobility about her too, a sense of propriety that I think in part came from her generation that knew better how to respect people and do the right thing, not the selfish thing like my generation does so well. She sacrificed much for her family and much for her faith in God. May she be blessed and remembered for all that she was, for all that she did, for all that she felt, for all that she loved. I love you, Paula. I miss you.

Structure in the Chaos

Recently I heard an amazing woman named Nancy Messege-Downing speak at our church women's conference. She had this poem handwritten in sweeping strokes on a giant paper at the front. After talking about how tangible blessings we enjoy sporadically (car, job, education, money, etc.) pale in comparison to eternal blessings which anyone can enjoy anywhere, anytime (ordinances, covenants, prayer, etc.), she turned to the poem. She analyzed its meter, diction and understatement to show how finding or creating a mathematical structure to the ups and downs in our lives can bring peace:

One Art
by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Let me give Nancy's theory a try. The mathematical structure of my day today:

1 Conference talk

2 prayers

1 breakfast served

2 lunches made

1 load of laundry put away

3 potty accidents on the carpet cleaned up

3 books read aloud

4 phone calls

1 conversation with a favorite friend

1 mopped floor

1 room dusted

1 bed made

2 music classes taught

3 conversations with music moms

27 composer bucks paid out

1 canner transferred to another ward

1 pot of daal cooked

1 mile biked

1 flat tire

1 mile walked

1 PTA meeting

1 inherited fat folder: "PTA Newletter Editor"

3 conversations with new friends

17 frozen blueberries

1 conversation with Rich

3 snuggle-cuddles with 3 boys in bed

3 prayers

 

"Focus on the moment. And most moments are delightful, aren't they?"
Nancy Messege-Downing

The Cult of Done

Rich is trying to convert me to a new way of life: the Cult of Done (whose founder is actually one of Isaac's heroes--the Make Magazine guy Bre Pettis). Here's the manifesto:

1. There are three states of being. Not knowing, action and completion.
2. Accept that everything is a draft. It helps to get it done.
3. There is no editing stage.
4. Pretending you know what you're doing is almost the same as knowing what you are doing, so just accept that you know what you're doing even if you don't and do it.
5. Banish procrastination. If you wait more than a week to get an idea done, abandon it.
6. The point of being done is not to finish but to get other things done.
7. Once you're done you can throw it away.
8. Laugh at perfection. It's boring and keeps you from being done.
9. People without dirty hands are wrong. Doing something makes you right.
10. Failure counts as done. So do mistakes.
11. Destruction is a variant of done.
12. If you have an idea and publish it on the internet, that counts as a ghost of done.
13. Done is the engine of more.

Now this cult is clearly for the engineer-sy type (e.g. Isaac & Rich), working on projects that have to do with microchips and such. But applying it to the homemaker-mommy type that I am has its flaws. Think running a half-empty dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom for the 100th time with Clorox wipes instead of a good scrub, declaring your child potty-trained when really he's not.

But in the spirit of Done, I am hereby starting to blog more in small spurts. I've set the timer, which is about to go off in 6 minutes. So I'll just come up with a photo and call it done.

The photo is my herb garden I planted a few weeks ago. It's so wrong on so many levels (plants too close, edging looks sloppy, gotta call the cable company to get rid of all those cables on the wall, etc. etc.). But I'm happy to say that I planted all of those plants the day after I bought them, and didn't obsess over where to put them or feel too guilty for spending a little extra money for plants I didn't start from seed (horrors).

And now I'm done.

Running in the Rain

On Saturday we woke up at 5 am to drive to Brenham for the Blue Bell Fun Run. Why did we do this? To hang out with Grandpa, Aunt Katie, Uncle Dave, and Cousin Ellie on her 2nd birthday, of course!
And then, of course, there was the all-you-can-eat Blue Bell Ice Cream after the race!
The first race was the Kid's 1-Mile Run. Isaac and Russell were all set to go, and they bravely walked through the pouring rain to the starting line as thunder and lightning struck in the distance. Russell had the bad luck of standing in a fire ant pile at the starting line, and burst into tears at the starting bell as they attacked him! We brushed them off and he bravely set off running with Rich by his side to catch up to Isaac (who had waited for him). They finished together at 11:01. So proud of my boys who are best friends that stick together and work hard.
I set a New Year's Resolution to train for a 5K, and slowly and sporadically I have gotten to a point where I can at least jog that distance VERY slowly. So while the kids bundled up in the car with Grandpa, Rich & Ellie as the rain pelted outside, Katie, Dave and I decided to go ahead and face that race.

And we finished it! I jogged the whole time with squishy sneakers, making mental notes at several points of where I could run for cover if it started to hail. At a few points the visibility was so bad that I wasn't quite sure how much farther I had to go. But I just kept on plodding along and finally crossed that finish line. I came in 276th place, but I finished and had a blast running in the rain! Wahoo!

Next Year in Jerusalem!

For FHE this week we decided to do a traditional Seder dinner for Passover to help the kids learn more about their heritage as children of Israel. I pretended all day to be a Jewish mother bustling around getting things ready for the feast: setting the table, buying the unleavened matzah bread, cooking a real little whole chicken (a stretch for this semi-vegetarian girl!) for the matzo ball soup, and trying to figure out adaptations for the symbolic foods that our kids might actually taste.

Isaac with the two candles the mother lights at the beginning of the Seder, the "wine" (apple juice), and just below that the matzah (unleavened) bread covered with a napkin.

Russell and Elijah's cup of "wine"
(we used apple juice because I wasn't so sure all of the kids would drink grape juice)

I'm not sure if I got the plate set up just right, but here's what it should have:
1. A shank bone (we used a bone we picked up in Kashmir that was probably a goat bone)
2. Charoset--this is supposed to be chopped up nuts, fruits and spices. I mixed peanut butter, almond butter, applesauce, cinnamon and sugar. The kids loved it.
3. Bitter Herbs--I mixed wasabi paste with some plain yogurt since I didn't have horseradish
4. Green Vegetable--I used cucumbers instead of parsley so I was sure the kids would eat it
5. Boiled Egg

We did not do everything strictly as we might if we were Jewish, but we did our best. We used a modified version of BYU professor Victor Ludlow's Passover Seder script. We summarized some of it and used some pictures as we told about Moses and the children of Israel in Egypt, their deliverance, the Last Supper, and the appearance of Elijah in the latter days. Here's a good article from our Church magazine on how the Passover symbols apply to our own LDS religious beliefs. I got the recipes for the matzo ball soup and the (sinfully) DELICIOUS matzo almond bark dessert from Family Fun. I realized as I studied more about the Seder that more than anything it is designed for children, so it should be fun and include songs, laughter, good food and cozy family togetherness. We taught the kids the "Dayenu" song's chorus and we sang it after Rich recited all the things God had done for the children of Israel. Here's a YouTube video with the song and some images that show the Christian connections.

Everybody loved the matzo ball soup. A fair amount of silliness, but they were attentive the whole time. Isaac stole the matzo for the afikomen and bartered with Dad for the delicious matzo almond bark for dessert. Russell said, "I want to do this when I grow up too."

When Are We Going to Let it Go?

Okay, I know you've all been thinking it (all two of you). I have been too. When am I going to be able to let go of the fact that I lived in India, and just get on with my life? When am I going to let go of this blog and write more stuff in my new, kinda dull blog/life?

Which leads me to my next question: Am I only able to write blogs worth reading when I live in a crazy, amazing place? Or is the place and the life I live now crazy and amazing and I'm missing it somehow because I can't let go of crazy-amazing India?

Maybe I'll let go of it on the one-year anniversary of our return to America--July 4th. I've got more stuff to tell about for future's sake before I let go, so I better get busy.

A mental list put down:

1. Copenhagen trip--our favorite, but somehow we never blogged it!
2. Pushkar Camel Fair with Dawn, Pulsipher Kids
   
3. Jodhpur for a co-worker's wedding with Rich
4. Christmas Trip to USA
5. Trip to Rome
6. Trip to New Zealand to visit parents, met Rich on the way back in Bangkok
7. Packed up stuff and said goodbye to everyone in Delhi
8. Trip to Scotland with Brandon
9. A Tribute to Poojah
   

And stuff to record after returning from India:

1. Kim & Scott's Wedding
   
2. Hurricane Ike
3. Isaac's baptism
4. Brandon visits Austin for Thanksgiving
5. A visit from Pulsipher cousins in November

So I guess whether anyone's reading or not, the blog will live on at least until July 4th. Any great ideas for a new blog that doesn't bore me and you?

Callings & Connections

Since we've been back to America, we've been busy in the Church. I don't know why we're surprised by this, but we've been more busy with callings and assignments that we expected. In India we were crazy-busy teaching Seminary, Young Women, Primary, Institute, Priesthood, English, piano, visiting members, counseling with members, attending baptisms, teaching with the missionaries, and Rich was leading the branch. We did all of that because there weren't many other people who had the time and resources to do those things. We had a car, we spoke English, we didn't have to work on Sunday. Not many in our branch had such luxuries. Now Rich is a high councilman, and I've got four callings/assignments: stake food storage specialist, ward emergency preparedness specialist, temple preparation teacher (with Rich--my favorite one), and more recently Young Women Camp level leader.

The YW camp one almost sent me over the edge. "There's so many other people who could do this," I ranted to Rich, "Why do they have to pick me?" I don't mind being busy at church. I think I actually usually enjoy it. Yet in India the work I was doing was in the trenches, the foundational, anchored-in-the-basics-of-the-gospel stuff. I almost always felt like I was building the kingdom in everything I did. Now as I collect money for berry orders, hassle people to get their reports in to me, send emails about preparedness that few people read, and plan preparedness activities that few people attend, it doesn't feel so meaty. I'm not saying the stuff I'm doing now is not important. I know that it is in its own way. But I miss doing all the teaching I was doing in India, teaching the scriptures and gospel principles and leadership principles that were fresh and new to people. Here in America where we often take the Gospel for granted, Church sometimes feels more like a chore than a saving force in our lives.

Yet the saving force remains, sometimes to save little old me. After I did all that complaining about the YW camp calling, I went to the first activity--a sleepover with the youth camp leaders on Valentine's Day weekend--a little grudgingly. There I found an instant friend--Diana N. who lived in Bangalore, India for a summer with her kids while her husband was there working. She traveled all over without her husband, because she couldn't stand not to. We stayed up almost all night talking about everything from food to travel to feeding the poor to the growth of the church to the people we knew in common. Diana is working on a children's book with a woman she met in India that tells the stories of child-pioneers in the Church in developing nations. She could talk to me about India in ways that others cannot because she has seen it, smelled it, tasted it, traveled it, vomited it. Yet she was endlessly hopeful in her outlook.

That night I was reminded that the Lord knows what I need and will save me through the stuff he sends me to do and the people I meet along the way, even if I'm not saving the world every day. And now he's blessed me with another meaty assignment--teaching the temple prep class with Rich. I love teaching with the man I love best, and it's thrilling to participate with some wonderful people on their road to the temple. I'll stop complaining, I guess.

Indian Cooking Class, Part 1: Dals & Chicken

My friend Susan asked me to do an Indian cooking class at her monthly cooking class in November. Dawn P. & Mark P. came to help, and we had a great time sharing what we love. I was so happy to have a motivation to figure out how to cook some of the foods I love. Here's the first part of the handout I gave the class . . .

Mostly North Indian cuisine discovered in New Delhi 2006-2008

Benefits of Indian Cooking
Simple & fresh ingredients (once you have the spices)
Same basic procedure for many dishes
Vegetarian options
Many shelf-stable ingredients
Freezes & reheats well
Delicious!


Where to Buy Indian Foods in Austin
Teji's‎ Grocery & Restaurant
1205 Round Rock Ave, Round Rock, TX‎ - (512) 244-3351‎

Gandhi Bazaar (+Curry in a Hurry)
2121 Suite 113 Parmer Lane
Austin 78727
Phone: (512) 837-9701

Ambica Foods in Texas
3203 S. IH35, Suite 580
Round Rock, TX 78664


Basic Spices
jeera (cumin, seed & powder)
dhania (coriander)
haldi (turmeric)
chili powder
curry powder

coriander leaves (cilantro)
mint leaves
ginger paste
garlic paste
mustard seeds (black)*
cardamom (green & black)*
cinnamon sticks
fenugreek*
curry leaves*
garam masala*
chicken masala*


Basic Ingredients

Grains:
wheat flour (finely ground)
rice (long-grain—basmati)
besan (chickpea flour)
sooji (Cream of Wheat)

Proteins:
chicken
paneer (fresh cheese)*
lentils—yellow, black* (daal)
garbanzo beans (chhole)
pinto beans (rajma)
black-eyed peas (rajma)

Basic Flavorings:
lemon juice
plain yogurt
vegetable oil
green chiles (small)* or serrano chiles
ghee (clarified butter)*

Vegetables:
tomatoes
cucumber
potatoes (aloo)
cauliflower (gobi)
onion
okra (bhindi)
spinach (palak)
sweet bell peppers (capsicum)
green peas (muttor)
green beans
eggplant
green onions

Helpful Equipment:
sharp knife
large, heavy skillet/wok
heavy pot
mortar & pestle
food processor/blender
pressure cooker

* Usually only available at Indian grocery


_________________________________________________________________
Dal Makhani
(Dal cooked in butter)
Definitely my favorite dal. Anything with cream and butter has to be delicious!


1 cup black urad dal (whole black lentils, or any other lentil)
1/4 cup kidney beans (rajma)
2-4 tablespoons butter/oil/ghee
1 c. onion, chopped
1 tablespoon ginger-garlic paste
2 medium tomatoes, chopped
1 teaspoon cumin powder (jeera)
½ t. chili powder
(3/4 cup tomato puree)
1-2 t. salt

1 teaspoon garam masala powder
½ - ¾ cup fresh cream
Fresh coriander leaves (cilantro)


Soak the dal and rajma overnight. Add enough water to cover and pressure cook or boil till the lentils are soft. If pressure cooking, this should take 20-30 minutes. If boiling, it should take around 2 hours. Split lentils will take less time. Set dal aside.

Melt the butter in a pan, add onions and sauté till they turn pink. Add the ginger-garlic paste. Sauté till golden brown. Add finely chopped tomatoes and cook till pulpy. Add the cumin powder and chili powder; sauté for 1-2 minutes. (Add the tomato puree.) Sauté for another 2-3 minutes.

Add the cooked dals into this masala (mixture). Salt to taste. Add the garam masala powder. Cover and cook over a low flame for about 35 minutes. Add water as needed to maintain a thick, soupy consistency.

Add the fresh cream and garnish with fresh coriander before serving.

Serve with rice or rotis (chapattis).

_________________________________________________________________
Everyday Yellow Dal

Serves 4

1 cup yellow split peas, soaked in cold water for 1 hour
1 large tomato, cut into 8 wedges
1-4 T. canola oil
1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds
1 medium red onion, finely chopped (about 1 1/2 cups)
3 large garlic cloves, minced or pressed (or 1 T. garlic paste)
1-2 t. ginger-garlic paste
1 teaspoon coriander powder
3/4 teaspoon ground turmeric
1/2 teaspoon cayenne (I used 1/4, thought it was plenty, although I may be a wuss.)
1/4 cup minced cilantro leaves (I abhor cilantro, and always replace it with flat-leaf parsley.)
1 tablespoon unsalted butter (optional)
1/2 teaspoon salt

Drain the soaked dal (split peas) and place in a large saucepan. Add the tomato and 3 cups of water and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a simmer, cover and cook until peas are tender, about 1 hour. Pick out any tomato skins and whisk dal to emulsify it. Keep warm over very low heat.

Heat the oil in a medium skillet over high heat. When the oil begins to smoke, add the cumin seeds, covering the pan with a lid or splatter screen. After the seeds have stopped sputtering, add the onion and sauté over medium heat. About 3 minutes later, add the garlic and sauté until most of the onion has turned dark brown, about 10 minutes altogether. Add the coriander, turmeric and cayenne, stir and pour mixture over the dal. Add the cilantro, (butter) and salt to the dal and simmer for another 5 minutes. Serve hot. Tastes better as leftovers!

_________________________________________________________________
Chhole (Garbanzo Beans)
from Sarita
Sarita was our cook/housekeeper during our first six months. When I asked her if she knew how to cook, she said no. But when I asked her to cook what she would cook at home for her family, she and her husband cooked some pretty amazing dishes. Here's one of them. This is the dish I referred to in this blog entry.

1 c. dried garbanzo beans, or 1 can garbanzo beans, rinsed and drained
2 c. water
1 cinnamon stick
1 black cardamom pod, crushed
1 onion, chopped or grated
2 tomatoes, grated or chopped finely
1 t. chhole masala (or curry powder)
½ t. turmeric powder
1 t. garam masala
chopped cilantro (garnish)

1. Cook beans in water in pressure cooker or on stove until tender. (Skip this step if you are using canned beans.)
2. Heat oil in pan, add cinnamon stick & cardamom; cook until popping.
3. Add onion and cook until golden brown.
4. Add tomato, masala, turmeric. Cook a minute or two.
5. Add cooked beans and heat through.
6. Remove from heat and add garam masala and chopped cilantro.

_________________________________________________________________
Black-Eyed Peas in a Spicy Goan Curry
Serves 4 to 6


1 cup dried black-eyed peas or two 15-ounce cans, drained
2 tablespoons, canola oil
1 small yellow onion, minced (about 1 cup)
1 teaspoon coriander powder
1 t. ginger-garlic paste
1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 teaspoon cumin powder
1/4 cup minced tomato (1 small tomato)
2 cups (or 1 cup if using canned peas) hot water
1/2 teaspoon salt, or to taste if using canned peas
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1 cup canned coconut milk
2 tablespoons minced cilantro leaves
1 tablespoon lemon juice


If using dried black-eyed peas, rinse and soak them in enough water to cover for 6 to 8 hours. Drain.

In a large saucepan, heat the oil over medium-low heat and saute the onion until it turns dark brown, about 8 minutes. Add the coriander, garlic, ginger, turmeric, cayenne and cumin, and stir for 2 minutes. Add the tomato and stir over low heat until it disintegrates.

Add the peas and mix well. Pour in the hot water, if using, add the salt and sugar, and bring to a boil. Turn the heat down to low, cover, and simmer until the peas are cooked through, about 30 minutes. If using canned peas, simmer for only 10 min. Stir in the coconut milk and simmer uncovered for another 8 to 10 minutes. Add the cilantro and lemon juice. Serve hot.


_________________________________________________________________
Chicken Curry
from Sister Monica Beesa
Sister Beesa, the district president's wife, who worked as a cook at the time for an American family, came to our mutual class one week to teach us how to make this delicious dish.

2 lbs. chicken
4 medium sized onions, chopped
5 medium tomatoes, chopped
4 T. oil (or more)
1-2 cinnamon sticks
1 bay leaf
2-3 cardamom (small, green, elichi)
2 t. ginger-garlic paste
1 ½ chili powder
1 t. curry powder
1 t. chicken masala
2 t. coriander powder
1-2 t. turmeric
Coriander leaves (cilantro)
Salt to taste


1. Heat oil in pan, add bay leaf, cinnamon stick, cardamon and onion and fry until brown.
2. Put in ginger-garlic paste, tomatoes, chili powder, curry powder, chicken masala, and salt to taste. Let it cook for 5 minutes.
3. Add the chicken. Fry continuously for 8 minutes and add 2 cups water.
4. Cook the chicken until no longer pink and add coriander leaves as a garnish. Serve over rice or with chapattis/naan.


_________________________________________________________________
Chicken Biryani
from Vattikuti Ramarao
While we were moving back into our house in the USA, we had a surprise visit from Vattikuti who had come to Dallas for some training. We unpacked enough dishes and spices for him to cook us up something yummy. I took lots of notes so I could re-create it. Yum! I only wish Lalitha, his wife, had been there to add her two cents to it. My favorite part about watching him cook was that he just put in whatever we had, and didn't bother about it when we didn't have some of the things he asked for.


3-4 T. oil
1 t. jeera seed
½ t. mustard seed
2 onions, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 inch ginger, chopped
2 small green chilies, halved lengthwise
2 chopped tomatoes
2 bay leaves

Spice Mix:
1 t. turmeric
1 t. jeera powder
1 t. coriander powder
1 t. garam masala powder
1 t. chicken masala

1 lb. chicken or potatoes
4 t. ginger-garlic paste
2 ½ c. basmati/Jasmine rice (washed twice)
6 c. water
2 t. salt
½ c. cilantro
½ c. frozen peas
1 t. ginger-garlic paste


1. Saute jeera seed & mustard seed in hot oil until it starts to pop. Add chopped onion and cook a few minutes.
2. Add garlic, ginger and green chilies. Cook on medium-high for several minutes. Add tomatoes & bay leaves; keep cooking until almost like a paste.
3. Meanwhile, mix together the powdered spices and set aside.
4. Add chicken. Stir. Add 4 t. ginger-garlic paste and spice mix (masala). Add rice and sauté while you get water. Add water and salt; cover and cook on high for 5 minutes.
5. Add cilantro, peas, and ginger-garlic paste. Reduce heat and cook 5-10 min.

_________________________________________________________________
BUTTER CHICKEN (CHICKEN MAKHANI)
As a young women's leader at church, I would ask all the girls what their favorite food is. They would invariably say Butter Chicken. Yum.

SERVES 6


MARINADE #1
* 1 3/4 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breast halves - cubed
* 1 tablespoon lemon juice
* 1 tablespoon chili powder
* salt to taste

MARINADE #2
* 1 cup yogurt
* salt to taste
* 2 tablespoons garlic paste
* 1/2 tablespoon garam masala
* 2 tablespoons melted butter
* 1 tablespoon chili powder
* 2 tablespoons ginger paste
* 2 tablespoons lemon juice
* 2 tablespoons olive oil

SAUCE
* 1 tablespoon butter
* 1 tablespoon garam masala
* 1 tablespoon ginger paste
* 1 tablespoon chopped garlic
* 1 tablespoon chopped green chile pepper
* 2 cups tomato puree
* 1 tablespoon chili powder
* salt to taste
* 1 cup water
* 1 tablespoon honey
* 1/2 teaspoon dried fenugreek leaves
* 1 cup heavy cream


DIRECTIONS

1. To Marinate: Place chicken in a nonporous glass dish or bowl with lemon juice, 1 tablespoon chili powder and salt. Toss to coat; cover dish and refrigerate to marinate for 1 hour.
2. Drain yogurt in a cloth for 15 to 20 minutes. Place in a medium bowl; mix in salt, garlic paste, garam masala, butter, chili powder, ginger paste, lemon juice and oil. Pour yogurt mixture over chicken, replace cover and refrigerate to marinate for another 3 to 4 hours.
3. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
4. Place chicken on skewers. Place skewers in a 9x13 inch baking dish and bake in preheated oven for 20 minutes, or until almost cooked through.
5. To Make Sauce: Melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Stir in garam masala. When masala begins to crackle, mix in ginger paste, chopped garlic and green chile peppers. Saute until tender, then stir in tomato puree, chili powder, salt, garam masala and water. Bring to a boil; reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring in honey and fenugreek.
6. Place chicken in sauce mixture. Continue cooking for another 5 minutes, or until chicken is no longer pink inside. Stir in fresh cream.

Another Reason We Miss India: Optimism

Don't get us wrong. We love America. But there is a certain cynicism here that infuses so much of the media, people's conversations, and politics. In India, Rich loved going to work in a place where people were yet untouched by layoffs, were young and enthusiastic, and people will always tell you that anything can be done. Maybe it's because the country is so young, but I think it's more than that. Whether or not things work out as well as they expect, Indian people in general have an optimism that is refreshing and inspiring. And it can't ever hurt to sing a happy, catchy song and hope for the best! Obama, Obama!